If I may play the me's advocate for a moment...

"So my dickhead twin showed up on Earth, assumed my identity, and then-- wreaked all sorts of havoc on my life?"

Lucifer had a headache, a horrific, pulsing thing that seemed to skip right along his forehead and no amount of facepalming could chase it away.

"That about covers it, yes," Amenadiel said. He seemed agitated. Wasn't like his life had nearly gotten usurped, was it?

"Great," Lucifer snapped. "Great. And you came down here to tell me this, why? Just to torture me?"

His brother gave him one of those meaningful sighs.

"I suppose this is the appropriate place for it," Lucifer muttered.

"Yeah," Amenadiel said. "Is there... somewhere else that we can talk?"

Oh, for Father's sake. "I don't like having private conversation in the hallways," Lucifer hissed, "And Kenneth doesn't mind. Do you, Kenneth?"

He looked to the man beside them, curled up in a ball, rocking, in a large cage on wheels under the dim red-and-blue lights of the circus tent they were in. "It's not funny," Kenneth wailed, "It's not funny--"

"No," Lucifer agreed. "No, it certainly isn't!"

( My slopey-shouldered brother is pulling a prank hardly worthy of Saved by the Bell in order to humiliate me! )

( Lucifer felt rattled. And then it only got worse. )

[[ nfb, nfi, ooc-okay! based off of a severely truncated version of Lucifer episode 5x03, '¡Diablo!' and 5x05, 'Detective Amenadiel'. with that, lucifer is back on-island for the forseeable future, woo, much love to okteiviakom for being my hench-raccoon in all this, and to everyone who participated in this massive catch-up or enabled me into intertwining this catch-up plot with their own, hi, betterthanaplan ]]

The lower deck of the Fi$hizzle II had a sort of hotel room chique quality to it; Lucifer couldn't decide whether he liked it or absolutely loathed the impersonal glitz of it. It had been a while since he'd been on a boat of any stripe, as well, and the faint memory of another, much more grossly nautical vessel lurked in the back of his mind-- which didn't really help with his mixed feelings about the place.

At least the Fi$hizzle had its own bar below decks. Small favors. He lurked there, waiting patiently for the noise of the party upstairs to segue into the sound of feet on stairs.

Mr. Said Out Bitch stepped into his stateroom wearing nothing but a tiger print speedo.

"Hello," Lucifer said, lifting the olive out of his martini. "I heard you were here, so I thought I'd pay you a visit."

( No, no, no, no way, man! You got to go! )

( The whole day had been a shitshow, and Maze was done with it. )

[[ nfb, nfi, ooc-love, and taken and adapted from Lucifer episode 5x01, 'Really Sad Devil Guy'. WE'RE GETTING THIS THING BACK ON THE ROAD. ]]

Lucifer had planned to join the Detective for whatever the latest case was at the precinct. But by the time he'd finally managed to pull away from his friends at the apartment, she was already gone. So he drove to the rapper's mansion they'd told her she'd gone to to interview some suspects, and now there he was.

Loitering outside the gate, waiting for her to show up.

"What gives?" he called, as she finally walked down the driveway. "You didn't think to call me we were heading out on a new case?"

Chloe pursed her lips. "I mean," she said, "Your friends are here, you just had a really rough time, I... figured it was better if you took a break?" She closed the gates behind her. "I know you've missed them."

He hadn't said so, but she knew Lucifer by now.

"I'm absolutely capable of entertaining my friends and being your partner at the same time," Lucifer said, frowning. "I assure you. So what is the case?"

Chloe sighed. "A hiphop artist by the name of Holla Bae was murdered while streaming an announcement of his new concert series," she said. "I just interviewed his main rival. But that's not important," she added, side-eyeing Lucifer, "Because you are taking a break."

"But--"

"There won't be any big breaks in the case today anyway," she said. "Just go home, Lucifer."

Right. Well. He supposed taking a day off to celebrate the end of his therapy wouldn't be a bad thing, would it?

( In which things go from bad to worse, because Murphy's Law is king. )

[[ 2 of 3. nfb, nfi! taken from Lucifer episode 4x10, 'Who's Da New King Of Hell?', and preplayed with the absolutely wonderful okteiviakom, betterthanaplan and 1000yearstoolate. almost done with this two-week plot marathon holy shit. ]]

Maze returned to check in on Lucifer around noon the next day, riding the elevator all the way to the top. She didn't call ahead - why would she? Lucifer never locked his elevator.

The door opened to bodies, strewn everywhere. Most of them in leather, a few in pleather, oh, that was cheap, and when had Lucifer gotten a rack in here--? She set her shoulders. No.

No, she wouldn't stand for this.

Lucifer appeared from behind the sofa, holding a sex toy. "Ah, here it is," he was saying, and gave the thing a good sniff-- before noticing her. "Maze! Just in time! You can take my place on the sex swing for the second half." He grinned. "Or let's rather turn that frown upside down on the rack, I'm sure Nigel won't mind."

( Seriously? You haven't had a decent orgy up here in years! )

Fuck. He wasn't a Dan or even a Jersey Dan. How the bloody hell was he going to do all that paperwork?

[[ open for phone calls! taken from Lucifer 4x06, 'Orgy Pants to Work'. To be continued tomorrow with a Fandom guest star! ]]