From Hell to Los Angeles, Saturday

[my_own_advocate]

"So my dickhead twin showed up on Earth, assumed my identity, and then-- wreaked all sorts of havoc on my life?"

Lucifer had a headache, a horrific, pulsing thing that seemed to skip right along his forehead and no amount of facepalming could chase it away.

"That about covers it, yes," Amenadiel said. He seemed agitated. Wasn't like his life had nearly gotten usurped, was it?

"Great," Lucifer snapped. "Great. And you came down here to tell me this, why? Just to torture me?"

His brother gave him one of those meaningful sighs.

"I suppose this is the appropriate place for it," Lucifer muttered.

"Yeah," Amenadiel said. "Is there... somewhere else that we can talk?"

Oh, for Father's sake. "I don't like having private conversation in the hallways," Lucifer hissed, "And Kenneth doesn't mind. Do you, Kenneth?"

He looked to the man beside them, curled up in a ball, rocking, in a large cage on wheels under the dim red-and-blue lights of the circus tent they were in. "It's not funny," Kenneth wailed, "It's not funny--"

"No," Lucifer agreed. "No, it certainly isn't!"

He stalked to the cage, annoyed. (At least annoyed was a nice, familiar emotion.) "My slopey-shouldered brother is pulling a prank hardly worthy of Saved by the Bell in order to humiliate me!"

"This isn't about you, Luce!" Amenadiel sighed, stalking after him. "Michael's threatened Charlie's safety!"

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Oh please," he said. "Michael needles people's fears, that's what he does. But we also know he's all bark and no bite. Don't you remember growing up? He'd get under your skin with one of his schemes, then you'd give him one of your atomic wedgies, and that'd be that."

Admittedly, it had been more than a lifetime since he'd actually seen his ridiculous twin brother, but still.

Amenadiel's face was stone. "I don't think a wedgie is going to do it this time," he said flatly. "Things have... changed, up in Heaven. Last time I was there, Michael... had managed to seat himself at Father's right hand."

...

Well, that knocked him off his stride, that was for sure. "So," Lucifer ventured slowly, "Dad's talking to him...?"

"No," Amenadiel said curtly. "No, he's talking to Father, but he's the only one. Nobody else in the Silver City has a line to Him. Nobody. And Michael has seen to it."

"Michael," Lucifer said flatly. "Weasely, cowardly Michael?" He huffed. "Now suddenly the power behind the Throne?"

"Without being able to speak to Father, who knows?" Amenadiel said. "But he is stronger than you think, Lucy. Michael's become..." He shook his head. "Untouchable. In the Silver City."

Lucifer nodded slowly.

"Well," he said. "He's not in the Silver City now, is he, so excuse me while I go touch him!"

He turned abruptly, sliding past Amenadiel to the exit with long, angry strides--

"... Okay, I can see how that's a poor choice of words," he said, pausing. He yanked open the door. "Just... hold the fort while I'm gone?"

Amenadiel stared at him. "Hold the--?"

The door slammed shut, leaving Father's favorite son alone with Kenneth, off-tune circus music, and two hapless demons dressed like monster clowns.

---

Lucifer	Lucifer had to pause at the last step of the stairs that led down into the bullpen. Just... pause, and take it all in. The bustle of activity of the cops, the photos and evidence tacked on to glass panes and whiteboards, and... He took a deep breath. Ah, yes. "Burnt coffee and body odour has never smelled so good," he sighed. It was Earth. He opened his eyes again, and... there she was. Brown hair this time? Surprising, but it suited her. His mouth curved into the smallest of smiles, and then he strode across the room, as if in the grasp of some divine magnet, and spoke-- "Hello, Detective."
Chloe	"No," Chloe said flatly, her eyes snapping up. She brandished her pen almost as if it was a stabbing implement. "No. Get the hell out of here!"
Lucifer	"Detective, I can explain--"
Chloe	"No, I don't want to hear it," Chloe said, crossing her arms and leveling the mother of all glares at him. "If you didn't understand the first four times I shot you, I will gladly shoot you again, Michael."
Lucifer	Lucifer sighed. "It's me," he said. "Lucifer."
Chloe	"Do you really expect me to fall for that again?" she said sharply. She squinted menacingly at him, and shook her head.
Lucifer	"Look at the hair," Lucifer said, exasperatedly. "The perfectly arranged pocket square? Could Michael pull this off?" He helpfully pulled on his jacket to demonstrate the blindingly red cloth folded neatly in his pocket. "I don't think so!" At least that had the Detective looking confused? Not enough. "Cacuzza!" he yelled to a passing officer. "Cacuzza, come here!" He tugged her in. "Oh, it's good to see you again. Tell me: what is it you desire?" Cacuzza stared up at him with those big brown eyes, and stammered, "I... I wanna figure out how to disable the cameras in the evidence locker so I can nap in there." "Oh," Lucifer said, delighted. "Naughty you!" He let her go. "Thank you." He looked at Chloe. "Now I know my brother can't do that."
Chloe	Chloe stared at him, a number of realizations hitting her all at once. "Oh," she said quietly. "It's really you." And suddenly she couldn't look away. "...How?"
Lucifer	The franticness fell away from Lucifer's face, and a small, relieved smile played across his mouth. "It's a funny story, actually," he said, "So there I was in Hell, and--" And he had his arms full of Detective. He blinked, then his arms came up, and. And. It had been a long time since he'd gotten to touch anyone else. Let alone her. He hugged her tight, pressed his cheek against hers, closed his eyes, and just... soaked it in. If people were staring, well, he ignored them.
Chloe	But Chloe did notice. Eventually. She tugged him gently to one of the interrogation rooms. Inside, she took his hands in hers and just held them for a while longer, watching his face, taking in his smell, how solid his fingers were on hers.
Lucifer	"Unfortunately, I can't stay for long," Lucifer said quietly. "Day job, and all that."
Chloe	"It's okay," Chloe said, shaking her head. She looked down at the floor. "I understand."
Lucifer	"I just..." He looked into her pretty blue eyes, and fervently wished-- no, no time to indulge in madness. "I just needed to make sure you were okay," Lucifer said. "But... of course you saw through Michael's charade." He touched her cheek. "My clever Detective."
Chloe	"Well," Chloe allowed, "It did... take a bit, he was very... convincing..." She shook her head. "And some of the things he said..."
Lucifer	"Good news, on that front," Lucifer interrupted her. "Every word that comes out of that admittedly dashing face is a lie."
Chloe	"Oh, well, that's a relief," Chloe said. She laughed a little. "Because he said something so insane that--" She waved her hands. "Obviously I knew it had to be a lie."
Lucifer	Lucifer laughed. "What, did he claim he's friends with Elvis?" he said. "Because for one, the King's still alive and I'm the only one who knows where, so..."
Chloe	Chloe laughed with him, but-- "No," she said. "No, he told me-- get this-- he told me that I... was a gift from God." There was no laughter, this time. From Lucifer, at least. His lack of laughter made Chloe laugh again. "It's, uh, that's what he said. I mean, that..." Lucifer really wasn't laughing. "...that's crazy..." He wasn't saying anything. And his face was doing that... stone, but not stone at all, thing again, and... "Lucifer, I'm not... a gift from God made just for you... right?"
Lucifer	Lucifer's bottom lip trembled for a moment or two before he found it in him to say, "Yes." And the temperature dropped by several degrees. He watched Chloe step away from him, and winced. "I know how it sounds," he tried. "But trust me, when my mum told me--"
Chloe	"Your mom told you?" Chloe said. "Your mom-- that was years ago! You've kept this from me the whole time?!" Unbelievable. Unbelievable. God, she wished she could go back to not believing it.
Lucifer	"You didn't even believe in the celestial side of things back then," Lucifer said. Had he just broken this worse while trying to fix it? "Anyway, mum only told me because she was trying to keep us apart--"
Chloe	"Why?" Chloe demanded. "Why, because if you knew I was a gift from your dad, you'd, what... throw me away?"
Lucifer	"No, because she thought that if I knew the truth, it would mean the feelings that I had for you weren't real, that I'd feel you were just some-- some tool to manipulate me," Lucifer said, frantic again. "But I don't feel that way. Because I realized, Detective, I realized that whether you were made for me or not, it-- doesn't matter."
Chloe	"Well, it matters to me," Chloe snapped.
Lucifer	And then Dan, blissfully ignorant, original flavor Dan threw open the doors and said something about a murder and Lucifer was going to throw something. As Chloe stormed out of the interrogation room, Dan turned to Lucifer and held up the ugliest bracelet known to man. "I made a gift for you," he said, beaming, "It's just like mine!" Lucifer stared at him. "Why on Earth would I want that?" What had Michael been doing?!

---

No amount of following Chloe around on her latest case was doing any good. She didn't want to talk to him, and Lucifer was beginning to lose hope he'd find any way to convince her this didn't need to matter all that much.

Eventually, he had to admit to himself that perhaps he'd be better off making sure his other friends hadn't been horrifically tortured by Michael in some way or another. And if he could get some advice at the same time, well.

Anyway, that was how he wound up on Linda Martin's couch again.

"So you left Amenadiel in Hell."

"Really, Doctor?" Lucifer said, staring at her. "An evil twin, the Detective finding out she's a gift from God, and that's the part you're stuck on?"

"Amenadiel," Linda repeated. Again. Like he hadn't heard her the first three times. "The father. Of my child."

Oh.

Right.

"Ah, yes," Lucifer said, sitting back. "Well, not to worry, Doctor," he said placatingly, "I'll put what Michael did right and get Amenadiel back before Charlie even notices he's gone."

Somehow, the good doctor didn't appear convinced. "And what about Michael?" she said. "Do you even know where he is?"

Lucifer settled into the couch. "Well, if past is prologue, he's probably hidden himself somewhere to laugh about the mess he's made." He crossed his legs. "Which is actually why I'm here."

He looked at her, expectantly. "Michael didn't coax any awful, soul-poisoning fears out of you?"

You know, it was always disconcerting when Dr. Linda did that thing where she paused for two seconds before saying something. "Me?" she said. "No. No. No, not me." She shook her head. "No."

Lucifer nodded. He was not sure if he was convinced, but if she said so... "Good," he said. "Good, well, that's a relief. I think this not having any free will and being a puppet of fate thing may have knocked the Detective off her stride."

"May have?" Linda echoed dubiously. "Lucifer, when you come back unexpectedly, and casually drop celestial bombs on the people in your life, you have to expect some shock, some anger, some frustration."

Right. He leaned forward again. "In my defense, this particular bomb was planted by my Father and set off by my brother, so--"

"Well, okay, but instead of deflecting responsibility, try empathizing," Linda said with exasperation. "Try really listening to what your friends are saying."

Lucifer squinted at her.

"What," he said slowly, "So if I give people the opportunity, they'll... tell me what to do?"

"Exactly," Linda agreed. "Like... 'bring back my baby's daddy from Hell'--"

Lucifer waved a hand at her. "Yeah, yeah," he said, "Thank you, I got to go--" and rose from his seat.

"To Hell?" Linda called, hopeful."

He was already halfway out the door, but that made him pause. "No, to find out what other chaos Michael may have caused up here, I mean, who knows how many people I'll have to listen to?"

... oh, shoot. Duke and Octavia had already been a mess before Michael turned up. What if he'd gone to Fandom?! Lucifer slammed the door behind him, ignoring the rest of Linda's protests.

He needed to find his phone.

---

Lucifer	Lucifer felt rattled. He'd had plenty of time to think about what his return would have been like, and more time still to get sentimental about it. Whatever was going on now was not how he'd imagined it, and he felt frantic. He didn't have much time before he'd have to go back to Hell, take over from Amenadiel again. But he needed to be sure everyone was okay, and Michael hadn't... screwed up anything else. Where had he left his phone again when he'd gone? He sped into his apartment, mind racing.
Octavia	Octavia was curled up awkwardly on the couch, an empty bottle of something or other by her side, precariously close to the edge. But her eyes, although bleary, snapped open almost immediately when footsteps entered the apartment. Then they tried to focus on the form of -- Michael? Was it? She looked alarmed.
Lucifer	Lucifer didn't notice her, at first. His eyes had fallen on the unspeakable and he slowed to a stop. "Oh, Michael," he said quietly, "Of all the things you've done to hurt me, this one cuts the deepest..." He was looking at the ravages of the piano.
Maze	Maze had gone from waking to upright and flicking her knives out in under a few seconds. He was trying this? Again?
Lucifer	Oh, he remembered that sound. Fondly. Lucifer dragged his attention up from the piano and beamed. "Maze! I have missed you--" She flung a knife at his head. It hit the bedroom wall right next to him. "Mazikeen!" he said, eyes wide, as she came at him; he had to back away, dodging each cut until he saw an opening-- and shoved.
Maze	She snarled and dashed forward again, leaping at him with the knife. He blocked her arm, so she tried to strike him with the other one. Her knife went soaring past his head on the second swing. She kicked out, but he caught her foot with the palm of his hand, staggering backwards in the process.
Lucifer	She knew how he fought, why wasn't she stopping?! Lucifer staggered up the stairs and into the bedroom. The second time she kicked, he didn't just block it-- he caught her leg under his arm, her knife-wrist in his hand. And flipped her. Straight onto the bed. "Mazikeen, it's me! Lucifer!"
Octavia	Octavia had staggered to her feet somewhere about... in the middle of all of that? Her head was pounding, but even in the state that she was in, she knew better than to get in the middle of a fight between a celestial and a demon. (Maybe especially in this state. She felt woozy and sick.) But not better than to draw attention to herself. "Maze!"
Maze	Maze stopped fighting as she looked up at Lucifer, and smiled. Just long enough to let him get in close. Then she headbutted him.
Lucifer	Good timing, too, because hearing Octavia's voice had thrown Lucifer off. He was paying for that now, stumbling back again. "Wait, wait," he called. "Would you rather that I was Michael?!"
Maze	"Either," Maze said, standing up, her fingers clutching the knife tightly. "He left me in the closet, but you... you went to Hell without me!" She swept the knife at him again. "YOU LEFT ME!"
Lucifer	"No, I didn't, Mazikeen," Lucifer said, holding up his index fingers as a sort of wall while he dodged her stabbing. "You're not my servant anymore. By all means, you're welcome to join me."
Maze	"I don't have wings, you idiot!"
Lucifer	Oh, for the love of-- "Well, Amenadiel does, so why didn't you just ask him to fly you down there?" Lucifer snapped, exasperated. He reached up to brush the blood from his nose. She didn't answer.
Octavia	Octavia had made it a little closer to the bedroom. And now, completely outside of this confrontation, she was just staring at him. Because it was him. Lucifer.
Lucifer	Lucifer was trying to focus on Maze, the immediate issue here, but his eyes kept darting to her. Octavia. In the flesh. "I'm trying to listen to everyone," he said, forcing himself to look at Maze again. "So if stabbing me is what you want--" He spread his arms wide. "Just try to avoid the old parsnip, for old times' sake." Nothing. He dropped his arms. "Well, my twin is still skulking around, so it'd be a great big help if you stabbed him--!"
Maze	"Stab him yourself," Maze said tonelessly, and stepped into the elevator, letting the doors close behind her.
Lucifer	Lucifer sighed. He was caught in that sigh for a few seconds longer, and then he finally did look at Octavia. Something in his face gave way to naked gratitude. Relief. Softer things. "Miss Octavia, as I live and breathe," he said. He'd go to her right now, but he was a bit unsure about who did and didn't want to stab him at the moment.
Octavia	Octavia's staring had been broken up by the way her eyes had been drawn to Maze as the woman stalked away. But even now, the way her attention shifted back to Lucifer seemed a little dazed. "Wow," she said, "you really fucked that up."
Lucifer	"It's Maze, she'll come 'round," Lucifer said helplessly. Apparently it had been a good idea not to go for her like he really wanted to.
Octavia	That wasn't at all what was happening here. Octavia's dazed look was finally shifting, like something coming into focus. Then it began to crumble. "Lucifer," she gasped, and it was relief and gratitude too, but also betrayed the sorrow she'd been carrying around since Haven.
Lucifer	Lucifer hadn't forgotten the image of her on the floor. It came back to him now. He realized he was moving only when he was already halfway there, and then it was too late; he was pulling her into a hug, awkward, but tight.
Octavia	Octavia clung on with another desperate little gasp. She didn't realize she was crying before it was already too late to stop that, either.
Lucifer	"I missed you," Lucifer said softly. "I'm so sorry--"
Octavia	"He found out." Was she filling in the rest of his sentence, or just trying to fill him in on why she was a mess? Why not both!
Lucifer	"I know," Lucifer said, pulling back just enough so he could see her face. "His irritating ex made it down to Hell."
Octavia	Octavia's eyes were wet and already a little red. And now also briefly confused. "Evi's dead?"
Lucifer	"Yes," Lucifer said, with a conflicted little smile that seemed like he meant it to soothe her more than anything else. "There was a siege at the police station. She was shot. I sent my most irritatingly stubborn demon to sit on Duke for a while, he's fine."
Octavia	Octavia's exhale was a little unsteady. "Good."
Lucifer	Lucifer cupped her cheek and pressed his forehead to hers. "I can't stay long. Amenadiel is watching Hell for me," he said quietly. "But I had to make sure you were all right and my dickwad of a brother hadn't made things worse."
Octavia	Octavia swallowed down her need to object to the first part. She squeezed her eyes shut and curled her fingers tighter into his clothes. "Think everyone's okay," she muttered, "except Chloe."
Lucifer	"I'll talk to her again soon, sort things out," Lucifer said. He took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to rush back out the door and fix things with Chloe immediately. He didn't have much time, after all. But Octavia's face... "But how about we sit down for a bit first? Have some drinks."
Octavia	"I can't do more drinks," Octavia admitted. Last night's bender had been... more than enough. "But I do wanna sit with you." The sudden deep breath was supposed to steady her. It didn't do a whole lot. "I've missed you so much."
Lucifer	"Maze wear your liver out?" Lucifer teased gently. "Sit down, I'll get you some water..." Something wasn't right. As he pulled away from her, he could swear he heard wings beating outside.
Octavia	And in turn, Octavia could swear she saw a shift happen in him. "What is it?"
Lucifer and Michael	Lucifer stepped forward, positioning himself between her and the balcony. "This isn't exactly the best time for you to show our face around here," he snapped. It was part instinct: the sight of his brother landing on the balcony, his wings out for longer than they needed to be, was a provocation to which there was only one answer. His own white wings slid out of his back, proud as ever. The fact that one of his wings now formed a visual shield between Michael and Octavia, however, was no coincidence. "Welcome home," Michael said, smirking. "How do you like the mess I made, Samael?" Lucifer huffed instinctively at the name. "Trying to get under my skin again?" he said sharply.
Octavia	Octavia had had an intense dislike of hiding her entire life, and these last few days were not actually helping that. But she did not try to step out from behind Lucifer's wing. In fact, she found herself taking several more backward steps, shielded by it.
Lucifer and Michael	"I had hoped turning your life upside down would do that," Michael said, smirking. He withdrew his wings first. "If I'd known all I needed was the name... well, maybe I overestimated you." He tilted his head. "Wondering why I'm doing all this?" Lucifer's wings retreated. "Not particularly," he said, wishing for a drink. Actually? He was going to turn around and walk to the bar now. "Oh, right, you're so above it all," Michael called. "I forgot. If only we could all be as cool as you." Lucifer cast a glance towards Octavia. He pulled off his jacket. "Isn't that what this is all about, Michael?" he said. "Hm? It's funny how 'turning my life upside down' somehow involved pretending to be me." Michael glared at him. "It worked, didn't it?" Lucifer pulled a decanter of whiskey off the bar and poured some into a glass. "It's the only trick you've ever pulled," he said. "All our lives, you wanted everyone to think you were the cleverer one, the big brain. But it's only ever been about trying to be me." He smirked, then took a sip of his drink. "You always thought too small." "Not like you," Michael said dryly. "Right? Lucifer the rebel, deciding you can do a better job than Dad?" He let out a soft chuckle. "You know, I wonder how you got that idea in your head in the first place..." Lucifer burst out laughing. "That's your play, is it? Taking credit for my failed rebellion? Oh, by all means. It's yours." He lifted his drink. "No, you see, that is the best part," Michael said. "All I did was plant the idea, you're the one who chose to do it. So you still get to keep all the blame."
Octavia	Octavia bristled for reasons she couldn't really pinpoint. "This is what he does, right?" she rasped. "He talks." That was a very derisive take on that word.
Lucifer & Michael	Somehow, that brought Lucifer's attention back to the reality of it all. "He talks," he agreed. "Weasely little Michael, poking at people's fears with his words, thinking that'll get him taken seriously." He snorted. "You're so tedious, Michael," he said. "Not as tedious as your denial," Michael retorted. He didn't even bother looking at Octavia, and somehow even that bothered Lucifer. "Because I'm not lying now, brother, and I think deep down you are realizing that. And once you realize that, you're gonna wonder: maybe it wasn't just the rebellion that was my suggestion. What else? What about your little sexcapade in the garden, or... your vacation here to Earth?" If he was hoping for a reaction, a whispered word, he wasn't getting one. Certainly not in front of Octavia. "All it took was a whisper here, an orchestrated coincidence there," Michael persisted. "And your pathological self-absorption, of course. Voila! All your idea!" A pause. "Still nothing? Afraid to look weak in front of your friend? The 'great Lucifer Morningstar'? That's how she sees you, right? But you know you're not. You're just Samael." "Stop calling me that," Lucifer snarled, attempting to contain himself, even as metaphorical fire spit from his eyes. "All right," Michael said, faux-placatingly. "Why don't I call you what you know you really are? Unworthy." Lucifer looked about ready to throw a punch. Or ten.
Octavia	Funnily enough, so did Octavia. This was bringing back -- A few things, really. Her drawl was a knife. "Flosh em klin."
Lucifer & Michael	"Gladly," Lucifer said darkly. His fist met Michael's right down the middle; the resulting force knocked both of them back. He rushed at Michael, exchanging quick blows until-- Michael overextended himself. His extended arm made a great lever to flip him with, smashing him and his ugly-ass sweater onto the ground. He wasn't like Maze, with all of her flips and grace-- Lucifer was more of a solid brawler, and when Michael returned the favor and sent him smashing into the collapsed body of his piano, he flipped his brother over and got his hands around his throat. Nearly lost an eye to Michael's resulting flail, and hitting him with a piece of the piano hurt in a way that was distressingly nonphysical. It brought them both down to the floor, panting, looking at each other. As they scrambled to their knees it was Lucifer who moved most quickly, grabbing Michael by the hair and slamming his head into the floor. Then the stairs. His arm curled around his brother's neck as he dragged the angel to his feet. "You might want credit for my decisions," he growled, an old, manic rage seeping into his voice, his face. He reached for Maze's knife, still embedded in the wall. "But I'm confident this one is all mine." As he dug the sharp end into the skin of Michael's forehead, well-- the screaming was cathartic.
Octavia	Octavia wondered whether her hallucination had looked like something like this, to Duke. And then, sharply, she forced herself to think of something else. The screaming helped with that.
Lucifer & Michael	The screaming kept going until Lucifer had finished his work, a deep, bloody 'S'-shape cut through Michael's face. Maze's blade was a demon one; it would scar. "Go find a different toolset, Michael," he snarled, letting his brother slide out of his grasp. For once, Michael said nothing. He scrambled for the balcony, unfurling his wings, and with their single loud clap he had taken off into the sky.
Octavia	Octavia didn't realize how hard her heart had been pounding before Michael was gone. She sagged a little against the wall she'd backed herself up against.
Lucifer	Lucifer let out a deep breath. He turned, after a moment or two, blood sliding down his forehead, his hair and shirt a mess, and dropped the knife. Then he walked to her. He didn't know where else to go.
Octavia	Octavia straightened up slowly, suddenly all too aware of her hangover trying to make itself known through the post-adrenaline haze. Then she stepped closer, and reached up to gingerly push his hair into some semblance of order.
Lucifer	"Michael," Lucifer started. He looked at her, a little lost. "I..." A pause. "I should talk to the Detective." He let her do what she wanted to his hair.
Octavia	"Maybe without the blood," Octavia replied, softer than she'd expected to sound.
Lucifer	"Is there blood?" Lucifer asked, both just as soft and utterly earnest about it. He reached for his forehead.
Octavia	Octavia nodded, drawing her own hand back. "Yeah. Right there."
Lucifer	"Suppose he did get a few good hits in," Lucifer said, dropping his hands away in turn. Hers had been working until he got involved, after all.
Octavia	Octavia pulled the end of her sleeve over her hand so she could use it to try and dab away the blood. It wasn't as if she needed to worry about getting it on anyone else in particular, right now. "Still weird."
Lucifer	Lucifer snorted softly, even as he held still. "Humans can't hurt me," he said. (Physically, anyway.) "Other celestials are a different matter entirely."
Octavia	"That doesn't make it less weird," Octavia replied gently. It went with her touch.
Lucifer	"Well, if it's any consolation, the only blade that can actually kill me is locked in another dimension," Lucifer said, and honestly, he should probably get a napkin or something.
Octavia	Octavia concurred. She drew her hand back again. "You're gonna need water for that," she said, looking down at the faintly damp edge of her sleeve. It was black, so the stain didn't really show.
Lucifer	"It's not that important," Lucifer said quietly. He reached for her hand, damp sleeve and all.
Octavia	Octavia let him. "Chloe won't think so."
Lucifer	"I need to talk to her more than I need to wash up," Lucifer said quietly. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand once, then dropped it. "I'll be back before I leave," he promised. "We'll have that sit-down, eh?"
Octavia	"Okay." It was the quiet, soft word of someone who wasn't sure she believed him, but wanted him to think she did. Octavia hesitated for a second. Then she put a hand on his shoulder - for balance, as she reached up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Just so she'd done it, even if he never made it back.
Lucifer	He was smiling at her, a little, as she pulled back. His eyes looked lonely, and tired, and old, and like he badly didn't want to leave, and like he was drinking her in for a moment longer.
Octavia	Octavia mostly just looked exhausted. Her eyes were still red and puffy from earlier, and that was on top of everything from the last week or so. She squeezed his shoulder, then let her hand slide down his arm. Then let go.
Lucifer	Lucifer badly wanted to sling his arm around her shoulders and pull her in for another hug, but he'd recovered enough of his usual reserve to repress the notion. Instead he just nodded. And slipped past her, to the elevator.
Octavia	Octavia's eyes followed him the entire way there. She didn't really want to let him go, either. But she'd settle for knowing at least he didn't hate her.

---

Everything was a mess. How had he forgotten? Whenever he got involved, it always wound up a terrible bloody mess. And maybe half the messes weren't actually as in his control as he'd like, and that wasn't-- that wasn't the consolation it should have been.

Lucifer stalked to his car quickly, not wanting to waste anymore time. He'd left Amenadiel in Hell for a full day already; any more and Linda might kill him.

He didn't notice the phone in his pocket ringing until he was already in his car. "Speak of the Devil's doctor herself," he said, as he answered it.

"Lucy."

He stilled.

"Amenadiel?" he said. "There's no cell reception in Hell, what's going on?"

"I'm back."

Panic struck him immediately.

"You can't be back," he snapped. "If you're back, who's minding Hell?"

"Lucy, I heard Father down there."

The noise of the road seemed to vanish, as if Amenadiel was here himself to slow time like in the olden days. A sinking feeling slid down Lucifer's throat and settled somewhere behind his heart.

"Father doesn't speak to Hell," he said helplessly.

"I was surprised as well," Amenadiel allowed. "But... he told me Hell no longer needs a warden, Lucy."

That sinking feeling seemed rather to burn, all of a sudden. "And that's it?"

"And that's it. So I came up here to see my son," Amenadiel confirmed.

He wanted to bloody well cry. Scream. Take this out on someone. Now there was something he missed about Hell: underlings to take his wrath. "I just spent millennia down there diligently doing everything He asked without complaint," he said, nearly choking on the words, "and you come close to having to have one sleepover in Hell and Dad tells you your watch is over?"

"You know Father works in--"

"If you finish that sentence, I will punch you in your 'mysterious ways'," Lucifer snarled, and hung up.

---

He was still bleeding. Half his limbs ached, and now so did his heart, and his mind hadn't processed yet that he didn't need to go back, and so when Lucifer finally stepped into the Detective's apartment, he wasn't even sure where to begin. If he opened his mouth, would all of his guts simply come spilling out?

"Lucifer!" the Detective said, spinning around, alarmed. "Are you okay? You look like hell."

"Appropriate," he managed, tasting blood somewhere in the back of his mouth, and closed the door. He swallowed. "So, good news is, I dealt with Michael, and I don't have to go back to Hell after all," he said.

He should feel like he was soaring.

He just felt sick again.

"He won't be impersonating me ever again. The bad news is that... I've discovered that... apparently, he's been manipulating me since the dawn of time."

"Oh," Chloe said, and nodded, and looked at the table. "Yeah. Must be, ah. Terrible. Not to control your own fate."

"Yes, I get it," Lucifer spat, and he-- he hadn't meant to sound so bitter, and angry, it wasn't her fault, but-- "You're struggling because you can't cope."

He slammed his hands down on the counter. "Well, welcome to the bloody club!"

Chloe's eyes narrowed. "You have no right to yell at me," she said icily. "Our situations are nothing alike. You are an angel. You deal with celestial craziness all the time!" Her hands were moving all over the place. "I am just a person, Lucifer! Just a person who was already dealing with being in love with the Devil without having some background in weird bullshit, anything to teach me how to deal with this, and THEN--"

Her hand slapped the counter.

"I find out that I was made to feel that way." She sucked in a shivering breath. "That my life isn't my own! So I'm sorry if your brother is a jerk to you sometimes!"

She turned around, blindly shoving some mugs out of the way. She needed to breathe.

So did he.

"I, I," Lucifer stammered. "I spent thousands of years in Hell imagining our reunion," he said. "Getting my partner back... getting you back. And now..."

He sank down on a stool, everything in him spinning wildly out of control and he looked at her, and looked away, and looked, and-- "I just... thought it would go differently."

Chloe nodded. She took a deep breath, pushing back tears, and mumbled, "Yeah. Me too. I thought what we had was real."

She ran the tap, pushing one of the mugs under the stream. "I don't know what to do with any of this, Lucifer," she said. "It's nice that you can stay, for you, I'm glad, but I can't do this. I can't-- I can't deal with this. With you. I can't-- have you keep showing up at the station, or here, and I know you, you don't want to let this go, but I need--"

He looked at her, and thought about what Linda had said. Grasped for it, like a life raft. "What do you need?" he asked plaintatively. "Anything I can do. Tell me."

"I need you to leave," she said quietly. "I need you to let me figure out what the hell this even makes my life. What parts of it are even real."

She was right. He didn't want to let this go. Didn't want to go so far that... that he had to give up hope about this, about them. He wanted to argue. Wanted to point out all the ways none of this should matter, all the ways he had dealt with it.

Then he thought about Octavia's face, and everything Murus had told him of his trip to Haven, and flinched.

Stared at the counter.

And found himself saying, "Maybe I should go to Maryland for a while."

Her shoulders tensed. He didn't know why.

"I," she said. "I want to say I don't want that either, but that wouldn't be fair, would it? Either."

She looked over her shoulder. "You should go," she said. "I don't have any claims on you here, Lucifer, I don't-- I don't want them. I can't, okay? I keep feeling like someone just-- chained me to you, and it's... it's a pretty horrible feeling, okay?"

She swallowed. "You should go," she said. "Don't tell me where, or to who. Just go."

Took her mug.

And walked away.

---

Lucifer	"Well, that didn't go as I'd anticipated," Lucifer said quietly, as he sank down on the sofa in his apartment. "But I suppose that's the theme for the day, isn't it?"
Octavia	Octavia's first impulse was to join him. But she chose to delay the inevitable by going to the bar, first. Two glasses. "What'd she say?"
Lucifer	"A lot of things," Lucifer said quietly. "As did Amenadiel, actually." He looked up at her. Felt some relief at her going to the bar. He could use a drink. "I ordered a portal," he added. "We can go home soon."
Octavia	Octavia stopped. Turned to look back at him, the bottle still tilted a little in her hand. "You're coming with me?" There was a 'we'. There was a 'home'.
Lucifer	"According to Amenadiel, Hell doesn't need me anymore," Lucifer said quietly, "and the detective wants space." He caught her eye. His expression was-- almost distressingly genuine. "I want to be there for you," he said. "And I can. So I will."
Octavia	Octavia gave him a small nod. More than one, in fact. Turned. Finished pouring two glasses. Then brought both over, holding one out for him as she sat down next to him.
Lucifer	Lucifer took it. Took a sip. And wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in. She didn't like him speaking Trig, so he usually didn't. "Seingeda," he muttered anyway, pressing a kiss against her temple.
Octavia	Octavia huffed out another unsteady breath as her eyes closed. "Seingeda," she agreed.
Lucifer	Another sip. He didn't say much else for a long while. Just dropped his chin on her shoulder and stayed there for a while. It had been. A very long. Very lonely. Time.
Octavia	Octavia tilted her head against his and, for a moment, just breathed. The ground felt a little more steady underneath her, again. She wanted to ask about Hell, about why he didn't have to go back, about how long he'd been gone. But she also didn't want to do that to him right now. They had time, it seemed. "So, turns out... I really am kind of a serpent, too."
Lucifer	It was Lucifer who huffed this time, amused. "Bite anyone interesting while I was gone?" he teased gently. "Or did you simply constrict someone in an uncomfortable place?"
Octavia	"It was a Fandom thing." Of course. "Part of ourselves manifested as talking animals." Because, Fandom.
Lucifer	"And yours was a serpent?" Lucifer guessed, a shadow of his old grin passing over his face. "Well, now I'm sad I missed it." To make up for being at only about 50 percent of his usual mirth, he worked his fingers through her hair.
Octavia	That made up for far more. Octavia had been a little touch-starved in the days since Haven. "Called Regulus," she said, softly. Then, a lot quieter, she added, "Duke's was a rat."
Lucifer	"Sounds like Duke has self-esteem issues," Lucifer said lightly. He ran his fingers through her hair again. And again, just because he could. "I'm looking forward," he said, apropos of nothing, "to pouring you a decent brandy at my house and giving you somewhere decent to sleep. You look like you've been napping on sofas across the country."
Octavia	"Just the sofa here," Octavia muttered. "Been staying on the Samsara back in Fandom."
Lucifer	"So what you're saying is you need a decent soak in a hot tub and a good bed," Lucifer teased softly. "Not that my sofa isn't excellent quality, but honestly, you could have taken my bed." That wasn't weird.
Octavia	Tiny shrug. "I was drunk, it didn't really matter."
Lucifer	"You think that," Lucifer said, even as the portal cut through the visible universe in front of them and manifested itself, "But you'll find out you're wrong as soon as you get a chance to experience otherwise."
Octavia	Octavia's eyes opened again. She looked at the portal, and sighed. "It's time you and me go home."
Lucifer	"It is," Lucifer said, rising slowly to his feet. "For a very long soak in a hot tub, and an excellent night's sleep, and then whatever bloody well we want to do for the next whenever." He offered her his arm. "Are you with me?"
Octavia	Octavia didn't hesitate. She got to her feet, and took his arm - almost desperate, almost grateful to do so, if you knew how to look. "Yes."
Lucifer	His mouth twitched into a small smile. Lucifer cast one more look at the Los Angeles skyline, thinking about the Hell loops he'd been in that had granted him a small peek of it, here and there, over the centuries. Then he let it go, and stepped onto Fandom's Causeway, and took a deep breath of the East Coast air.
Octavia	Octavia stepped with him. She looked at the island in front of them, first. It didn't seem as unwelcoming nor feel as oppressive as it had when she'd left. Then she turned to look at Lucifer, again.
Lucifer	Lucifer looked back at her, his mouth curving into a smile. "It is still a hovel," he said. But he felt... comfortable, being back.
Octavia	Octavia's lips tilted. Wasn't quite a smile. Was something, still. "But it's ours."
Lucifer	"Suppose so," Lucifer said, looking away from her to consider the castle. "Kind of depressing, in a way." Lucy. Let it go. "But I won't call 'home' until I'm actually in my bloody bed."
Octavia	Octavia rolled her eyes, but said nothing about how Lucifer he was being right off the bat. Mostly because she felt an odd sensation of something like falling, but not quite. And then there was a raccoon peering up - way, way up - at Lucifer with its beady black eyes.
Lucifer	"Either way, I'm sure we'll fi--" Lucifer looked to her, and saw air. He didn't notice the creature until he looked down. His shoulders dropped and his eye twitched. "Oh, I loathe this ridiculous, backwards lump of mud," he snarled.
Octavia	The raccoon made chittery raccoon noises at him. And then clawed experimentally at the end of one of his pant legs. Octavia was very sorry, Lucifer.
Lucifer	Lucifer let out a pained sigh. "No one had better see me do this," he said, and lifted the raccoon up. Of course it'd have to be a trash panda. Disgusting.

[[ nfb, nfi, ooc-okay! based off of a severely truncated version of Lucifer episode 5x03, '¡Diablo!' and 5x05, 'Detective Amenadiel'. with that, lucifer is back on-island for the forseeable future, woo, much love to okteiviakom for being my hench-raccoon in all this, and to everyone who participated in this massive catch-up or enabled me into intertwining this catch-up plot with their own, hi, betterthanaplan ]]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

[AHHHHHHHHHH! This kind of makes me want to speed up my own catch-up plot. . . .]

[my_own_advocate]

[ mwahahaha my evil plot is coming to fruition ]