If I may play the me's advocate for a moment...

It was an oft-heard claim, that Lucifer was the only angel who enjoyed the pleasures of Earth. Propaganda, spread by his haughtier-than-thou siblings. No, some of them were almost as bad - they just didn't have as much of a habit of actually touching the humans.

"It's one Hell of a choice you and the other angels have to make, brother," Lucifer said, leaning back in his nice, plush Lux seat. "The Silver City must be all abuzz. Lucifer or Michael?"

All right, so that was fluffing up the truth a bit. But Jophiel had been one of the few of his siblings who'd come around after a few thousand years, fascinated as he'd become with drink and parties. "So, what's it going to be, Jophiel?"

His brother had chosen for a light robe with no shirt and copious necklaces - a bit like Duke, if Duke were a linebacker who communicated largely through keg stands. Jophiel looked at him, beamed, and said, "Ah, I'll have a Red Bull vodka, yo."

"No, I mean for God," Lucifer said irritably. He waved for the dancer to leave. "Excuse us please, love." Jophiel looked betrayed. (Coward.) "I actually ordered you something rather special."

Jophiel perked up. "You got Tito's?"

"I said special."

"Grey Goose?"

Yes, all comparisons to Duke really did end at the befuddling fondness for cheap necklaces. "It's Belisario Viscount. It's one of, if not the finest, vodkas in the world, 1.3 million..." The look on Jophiel's face remained vapid. "...never mind, just try it."

( Oooh, that's hype, yo! )

( I'm glad you decided to come, Chloe said. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. )

( Once this all ended well and Dan was back to being his annoying douchey self where he belonged, Lucifer would not be admitting to the way he'd rushed to the police station. )

( Everything felt like a blur: she couldn't stop feeling Dan in her arms, not even when she stumbled into the hospital waiting room, pale and shocked. )

( Trixie's finally asleep, Chloe said softly. )

[[ taken and adapted from Lucifer episode 5x15, 'Is This Really How It's Going To End?'. CW: NPC character death that actually sticks this time. preplayed with the incredible okteiviakom and betterthanaplan ]]

Yesterday had been... something. And while Lucifer may have managed to find some rest buried under the bodies of both of his partners, when he woke up early the next morning, his mind was back to a whirl of useless thoughts and worse emotions. So when Miss Lopez texted, asking him to come in on a case for old time's sake, he may have jumped at the chance.

Though at least he did tell Duke and Octavia before he went running off this time.

An hour later, he was standing in, of all things, a mini-golf course, watching Miss Lopez take pictures and fend off well-meaning colleagues who were trying to get her to take a vacation. She clearly wasn't doing well under the whole 'my boyfriend's a serial killer' strain, but he admired her dedication to just... puttering on.

Heh.

( Of course Miss Lopez wasn't the only one at the scene. )

( In which there is a Family Dinner, and someone walks in bearing grenades. )

[[ taken and adapted from Lucifer episode 5x09, 'Family Dinner', and preplayed with the amazing okteiviakom and betterthanaplan ]]

Well, the good doctor had been avoiding Lucifer's texts for days, and he was only able to restrain his increasingly alarmed, racing mind for so long. So: desperate measures.

He dropped Doctor Arn onto a chair, and yanked the bag off his head.

"...Lucifer, what's going on?" the terrified man said, staring at him.

"You've been avoiding me, Dr. Arn, so I had to force a meeting," Lucifer said flatly.

The doctor held up his hands, palms-forward, placating. "Yeah, sorry about that. Work has been so crazy..."

( Don't care. I granted you a favor. Now you owe me one. )

--

Oh god. ... Right. Even Lucifer Morningstar knew when he was out of his depth. He needed an expert. Someone with a great deal of experience in ending relationships.

He needed Duke Crocker.

As Eve slid away to go 'change into something more comfortable', he pulled out his phone in a panic. HOW DO I BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE???????

The question marks were necessary.

[[ open and taken from Lucifer episode 4x08, 'Super Bad Boyfriend' ]]