The Marina, Cat Island, Tuesday Night

[my_own_advocate]

They had traditions out here on Cat Island - or, well, ways to entertain the tourists that came through here week after week. Spirits had flowed freely well into the evening, and dances and costumes and all sorts of razzle dazzle had come through the diner and engulfed the docks in light.

But somewhere near the end of the evening, close to the big finale, three people wandered further and further away onto the beach. Lucifer, of course, was carrying a cooler in one hand, and his long, thin teal shirt hung loose and open around his body.

He was smiling a bit.

"I think we're almost far enough away," he said.

[[ for them ]]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

Octavia remained probably not in the best state to give the most coherent answers, considering she still sounded about two steps away from hyperventilating.

But she was trying.

Also yes, her face was tear-streaked. "I don't think I do," she said, "but, there's just, you've said things. In our fights. That are hard to forget."

[betterthanaplan]

"What things?" Duke asked. Croaked, maybe. His face wasn't entirely dry, either.

(He'd 'said things'. Of course he said things. He always said things. Usually half of it was babble to try and fill space while he tried to find the things he actually wanted to say.)

[okteiviakom]

"About me," Octavia whispered, hoarse. "About how I say things. Do things."

She wasn't exactly revealing anything new, considering the earlier parts of the current mess.

"How it feels."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke did his best not to hear that as a criticism. As him being wrong for asking for what he needed.

(He might have been wrong about how he asked. His own use of the word 'victim' echoed in his head.)

"You've said things to me, too," he said, rather than try to apologize for things he wasn't sure of. "Things that echo in my head." Some of which had been echoing for years, now. "Things that I get . . . defensive about."

[okteiviakom]

"I probably didn't mean for them to... stay around like that," Octavia murmured. Her eyes were brimming over again. It didn't take much, right now. "I hope I didn't."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah." Duke's lip quirked. More of a smile than it had been last time he aimed that expression at her. "Neither do I."

They both needed to learn how to let some of what the other person said and did go. Not take it as personally.

[okteiviakom]

"But it means you know why it's hard," Octavia murmured. "To ignore."

[betterthanaplan]

“I do,” Duke said. “It’s hard. But it’s also worth it.”

[okteiviakom]

"I'm worried," Octavia admitted, and oh, her voice was little more than a broken whisper again. "What if it's too hard?"

What if they lost all of this.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wanted to tell her it wouldn’t be. He wanted to be able to promise.

He couldn’t set himself up to break more promises to her.

“I’m worried about that, too,” he admitted. “I think it would be really bad. For all of us.” He shook his head a tiny bit. “But that’s why we’re going to keep trying.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wouldn't have believed him even if he had tried to promise, anyway.

She swallowed.

More tears escaped onto her cheeks.

[betterthanaplan]

They were on the same page there, at least.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” he said softly. “We just need to figure out how to be afraid and keep trying anyway,”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a soft breath, only just finding the wherewithal to look aside. At them.

But he said nothing. It wasn't his conversation to have, just to... help.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia pressed her face to Duke's shoulder again. At some point here, she was hoping she'd manage a steady breath again. Just the one would do.

Not yet, though.

"It's just been so... hard, lately," she muttered. "Like everything's changing. Shifting."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke’s face crumpled. It wasn’t everything changing; it was him.

“If you ask me for something,” he said again, voice soft. “I will try to give it to you. And if I can’t, I’ll try to tell you why.”

[okteiviakom]

He might've been the starting point, but the ripples went beyond him. Into other things.

"And you... want the same?" she murmured. "The other way around?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah," Duke said. "That would be nice."

It felt like a good place to start, to him.

[okteiviakom]

It still felt like a starting place that they were going to struggle to get to, to Octavia.

But she nodded, faintly, against his shoulder.

"And what if we're both asking for things that... the other can't give?"

Like, say, space. To have their feelings out in the open.

[betterthanaplan]

"Then we'll know why," Duke said. "And we can go from there."

[okteiviakom]

Again it sounded much neater than Octavia could see it working out in real life, but it didn't seem helpful to point out in the moment. And it was hard for her to judge which of her thoughs were rational and which where fueled by whatever grief she'd succumbed to out further on the beach.

So she nodded again.

And after some hesitation, asked, "Should I tell you what I needed tonight? When I... started this."

[betterthanaplan]

"Sure," Duke said. (She'd asked for boundaries. Eventually an apology. And he'd done his best to provide both -- only to get it wrong and send her running away screaming. He would love an explanation.)

[okteiviakom]

"This might sound familiar to you," Octavia muttered. "But I needed to be heard. And understood."

A breath. Still not fully steady.

"I was bringing something to you that I'd been keeping to myself for a while," she continued. "At least for me, I was saying that there is this thing that I haven't been able to do, and I felt like what I was getting back was that I should be able to. Like I couldn't even get the problem across. And I needed so badly to feel understood." Here, she turned to look to Lucifer. "Bad enough that it makes me pedantic."

Because what else had there been left for the desperation in her, except clinging to words?

[my_own_advocate]

Ah.

"I'm sorry, darling," Lucifer said. Suitably chastened.

[betterthanaplan]

“Okay,” Duke said. He glanced at Lucifer, then took a slow breath and addressed Octavia again. “What do you need from me to help you feel understood?”

[okteiviakom]

"Acnowledgment feels like a good start," Octavia replied, as her gaze slid from Lucifer back to Duke. "And taking the time to listen. Before trying to... solve whatever it is."