The Marina, Cat Island, Tuesday Night

[my_own_advocate]

They had traditions out here on Cat Island - or, well, ways to entertain the tourists that came through here week after week. Spirits had flowed freely well into the evening, and dances and costumes and all sorts of razzle dazzle had come through the diner and engulfed the docks in light.

But somewhere near the end of the evening, close to the big finale, three people wandered further and further away onto the beach. Lucifer, of course, was carrying a cooler in one hand, and his long, thin teal shirt hung loose and open around his body.

He was smiling a bit.

"I think we're almost far enough away," he said.

[[ for them ]]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

Octavia glanced back over her shoulder. The lights of the marina were getting further and further away, and she made a vague noise of agreement.

She was in what had become her staple outfit for this particular trip, her much-loved caftan over a tube top and shorts - and a very lightweight pair of flats, to ward off accidental contact with plants by stepping on them.

[betterthanaplan]

“Almost,” Duke agreed, also looking back — and flashing Octavia a smile when he saw her doing it too. He was shirtless, wearing only board shorts slung low on his hips, his hair down and ruffling in the soft wind.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer chuckled, and lifted the bottle of wine in his free hand to his mouth for a sip. He caught them looking from the corner of his eye, and added, "I think they can't see us anymore."

[okteiviakom]

"Well, we are lurking in relative darkness, compared to them," Octavia offered, with a glance at Duke.

[betterthanaplan]

“We are,” Duke agreed. “They won’t be able to hear us over the music, either.”

[my_own_advocate]

"Shall we sit, then?" Lucifer asked, turning his head towards the beach. "Look at those gorgeous waves..."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shrugged, with another lingering glance back towards the party. "I'm okay with it?" she offered.

A lot of the past week or so had involved Octavia making some attempts at being agreeable, but in this case she actually meant it.

[betterthanaplan]

"I'm definitely game." There'd been a fair amount of mild agreement between the two of them. Neither was trying to set off another argument.

He took a few more steps, then sat, legs bent, facing the water, though he was looking up at his partners instead.

"This looks like a great place to ring in the new year."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer set down the cooler next to Duke, and then flopped over in the sand right by it.

Possibly in front of it. He hadn't decided yet if, how and who was going to snuggle in the next few minutes. "Together," he sighed happily, "With just us and the ocean." Beat. "And some excellent wine."

[okteiviakom]

For her part, Octavia wasn't flopping down anywhere at all just yet.

She was toeing her shoes off so she could get her feet on and in the sand.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke slid his own feet into the sand, still watching her.

"Anyone have any resolutions to share?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Have more good wine and more good sex in the new year?" Lucifer offered.

[okteiviakom]

"I don't think I've ever had a resolution," Octavia added, watching the waves.

Well, maybe her resolution had been just to keep surviving, for many years of her life.

[betterthanaplan]

"I don't usually bother with anything serious," Duke said, nodding. He leaned back on his hands and looked at the water. "And anyway, I already have a pretty solid list of goals to work through right now. I think I'm with Luce on this one."

[my_own_advocate]

"I suppose I could also add," Lucifer mused, stretching his legs out across the sand, "'to a happier, healthier, more stable year'."

[okteiviakom]

Oh. That was probably something Octavia shouldn't stay quiet on.

"Yeah," she murmured. Very soft, digging her toes further into the sand.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke picked up one foot to poke her playfully in the leg with his toes.

"Whatcha thinking about, gona?"

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer leaned back. And perhaps quietly flipped open the cooler.

[okteiviakom]

"Nothing, really," Octavia murmured, as she gave Duke's foot a little nudge back with hers. "Just..."

She nodded towards Lucifer.

"What he said."

[betterthanaplan]

"Happiness, health, and peace," Duke said. He ran his toe gently down her leg. "Good plan."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer grinned. He scooted to the side a bit, until he was pressed up against Duke's side, and then flung an easy arm around the man's shoulders.

"With more island getaways," he said. "And a bit better communication."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia finally turned a little more towards them, although she was looking at her feet as she did, to keep from jostling the little connection she had going with Duke.

"Think that takes more than just saying 'better communication'," she noted, soft.

[betterthanaplan]

“Yeah?” Duke said, trying to encourage her to keep talking.

He kept his toe against her leg as she turned, leaving little trails of sand against her calf.

[my_own_advocate]

"Obviously," Lucifer said, but he was looking over at her with interest. "But that's something we can work on."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was oblivious to how they were looking at her. Or at least seemed to be.

She gave another one of her little hums as she sat down, cross-legged, more or less where she'd been standing. It was convenient for pulling Duke's foot to rest on her lap.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wiggled his sandy toes at her.

“Baby steps.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer nodded. "Mhm," he added, in concurrence.

Then fished a bottle of homemade lemonade out of the cooler.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia gave another soft hum as she gently brushed some sand off of Duke's foot. It sounded a little far away, distracted. Like maybe she was listening to the distant noise from the party they'd left behind, more than she was listening to them.

And maybe she was.

But what it was doing was making her think about the end of the year, beginning of the next one, rituals and symbols and turning over a new leaf. She thought about what she'd got from one of the tourists and stuffed down her top, and cycles and paths and them.

And she said, "I miss us."

It sounded a little more present.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke blinked at her, a little furrow between his brow. He didn’t want to derail her if she was having deep thoughts, though, so he hummed a little and wiggled his toes again. Trying to give her space without making it weird.

[my_own_advocate]

"You miss us?" Lucifer echoed, leaning just so, so he could look at her properly.

[okteiviakom]

"I miss feeling comfortable, with you," Octavia replied, with an almost furtive glance at both of them, before she returned to gently flicking sand off Duke's toes, her other hand resting along his ankle. "Not at anyone else's expense, not like I guess I was, but... I haven't, in a while."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a little huff. “I miss that too. I hope we’re headed in that direction now?”

[my_own_advocate]

"What do you need from us?" Lucifer added, frowning. "How can we help?"

[okteiviakom]

"I... don't think I would be saying this," Octavia replied, slowly, as she finally looked up at Duke properly, "if I tho-- if I felt like we were on the path to that."

She looked to Lucifer.

"I need space to feel like there's room for me to say what I think. And like it's safe to do that." And back to Duke. "Just like you."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke tensed. He looked down at his foot in her lap.

“I want that for you, too.”

He’d thought he’d been trying to give that to her. But apparently not.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer felt him tense. He gave Duke a squeeze. Tugged him in a little bit.

"What has made you feel like there isn't space?" he asked Octavia. Gently.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia inhaled a slow breath.

"These days, when we fight, no one leaves," she started. Her gaze was getting drawn down to Duke's foot, too, which she was really now just cradling in her lap. "And that's good. But... After things calm down, I feel like we just end up talking about how we fought. I feel like we don't go back to what the actual fight was about, so nothing really... feels resolved."

And another breath.

"And I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm trying to take up more than my share of space with how I feel about things, but I also don't know where the boundaries actually are, because I was never trying to do that in the first place, so I just... Feel like I have to focus on just not saying anything that might start another fight."

It was a kinder way of phrasing the way she actually felt, but the gist was accurate.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded slowly. "That's . . . how I feel a lot, too," he said honestly. "Like if I say the wrong thing, it's like . . . setting off a bomb."

He let that sit for a moment, then wiggled his toes at her again.

"When I ask what you're thinking, or how you feel, I try to do it when I feel like I have space for the answer. The real answer. Even if it might hurt. When I'm telling you how I feel -- that's when I need that space. I hope that makes sense."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia looked up again, another slow inhale passing through her nose.

She really was trying, here. Even if she looked a little defeated, right now.

"Not really," she admitted. "Because what I just heard, what it sounds like to me, is that... You get to choose to take space when you need it. And I get to have it if you choose to ask me."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shot Lucifer a helpless glance, swallowing back the desire to scream.

"O . . .kay." He frowned at her. "You understand you can ask for things too, right?" The side of his mouth ticked up, not quite a smile. "It'd be kind of nice if you did. You -- from my end, it seems like -- you usually just expect me to know, and then get mad when I inevitably get it wrong."

[my_own_advocate]

"You... can be a bit of a black box," Lucifer said, looking at Octavia. Did his arm shift into a more protective position? Perhaps. Though he didn't think either of them were completely right or completely wrong. "Which is why I appreciate you speaking up now, love."

He studied her. "Why don't you ask?" he said. "Or do you feel you can't? Or you do, and... well. You know. Things go tits up."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was now trying really hard not to read too far into gestures. Really hard.

"I was told to my face that I make my feelings out to be the most important," she said, steady and even and pretty obviously forcing her voice to be that way. "That me expressing them feels like an attack that needs defending from."

Between that and getting shit for not expressing things made for a tightrope act she was clearly nowhere near mastering.

She looked from one of them to the other.

"And I already feel like I should've kept this to myself, too."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke hadn't pulled his foot from her lap. He'd stopped wiggling his toes, though.

"If you ask for what you need," he said carefully, looking at his own toes. "I'll do my best to accommodate. And if I can't, I'll try to tell you why." He looked up at her again. "I'd like to be able to expect the same from you, if that's okay."

That sounded a lot like the boundaries that Dr. Shin had demonstrated for him. He hoped she'd see it that way, too.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer really wished he'd moved to sit between them now, to more adequately distribute reassurance across the whole dynamic. Oh well.

"I think we may be skipping a step here," he said. "Like apologies or something."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia just wanted to fling herself into the ocean.

"Acknowledgment would be good, too."

[betterthanaplan]

Even when Duke moved carefully, took his time, he still did it wrong.

He closed his eyes. (They were starting to burn a little.) "I'm sorry," he said, voice soft and spare. "I didn't mean to imply that you weren't allowed to feel your feelings."

There was more he wanted to say. He was pretty sure if he tried to say it, he'd do it wrong again and make things worse. So he left it at that.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer pressed a kiss against his temple. "Thank you," he murmured.

He looked up at Octavia and raised his eyebrows.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia didn't know what she was supposed to do with raised eyebrows right now.

"Express my feelings," because unlike some people, she'd never had a problem feeling her feelings, as everyone here was sadly familiar with, "and why did it take you until someone told you to say that?"

(Maybe it would've helped if she'd tried to take another deep breath or something, here.)

[betterthanaplan]

"Because I'm not a mind reader," Duke snapped. "And as I've been helpfully reminded of repeatedly lately, I'm apparently very selfish. So yes, you have to tell me things when you want me to do them."

He looked away -- from her and from Lucifer.

(He didn't pull his foot from her lap, though. Or pull back from Lucifer's weight at his side. )

[my_own_advocate]

"Oh, for me's sake," Lucifer groaned. He almost pulled away from Duke, purely to make his point, but at the last second he abandoned the idea. "Will you both shut up for a moment? No wonder this keeps going bloody wrong!"

[okteiviakom]

Well, Octavia had been about to say something.

And now that thing had an uncomfortable chance of festering as her mouth snapped shut, instead.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke stared down at his knees and waited. Feeling a bit like he'd been sent to the principal's office.

Only, you know, he actually cared what the two people here thought of him.

[my_own_advocate]

"Neither of you are listening to each other, you're just waiting for your time to speak," Lucifer said irritably, "Which, I'll remind you, is supposed to be my fatal flaw. So can we please all listen, show an actual interest in everyone's feelings, acknowledge them, maybe even ask some questions before we start flinging our own grievances at one another or, me forbid, get pedantic about a choice in verbs?"

[okteiviakom]

So much for taking a breath.

"If you think it's pedantic that I would like to feel like what I was saying was understood," Octavia replied, measured tone sounding particularly forced, "then you should maybe get right back off your high horse."

[betterthanaplan]

And here Duke had just wanted to protest that he thought he had been listening. He'd offered her boundaries when she'd asked. And when she didn't like them, he'd rephrased them. Then apologized when they said he needed to do that.

Now he flicked his eyes between the two of them, wondering how Lucifer would handle this part of the 'nitpicking words' argument.

(He felt frozen in place now, muscles tense in what had started as a relaxed sprawl on the sand.)

[my_own_advocate]

"It's not pedantic to want to know you were understood, darling, it's pedantic to sharply correct him on his specific word choice when you know he's not as precise as you are and then, rather than let him answer, immediately follow it up with an accusation," Lucifer said flatly.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's jaw tightened a little further.

Although what she said was, "Well, you're gonna think whatever you want to think, so I'm not going to bother."

[betterthanaplan]

"Okay, come on," Duke said. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head again. "Octavia. This is why it feels unsafe sometimes when you express your feelings. Because if we disagree with you at all, you snap or clam up or pick at our words until you're the victim."

. . . Fuck, that was not going to help anything at all.

"Ask us for what you want. Luce and I are very accommodating. But we're not perfect beings, for fuck sake. And that needs to be okay."

[my_own_advocate]

"You could just say, 'Duke, I need to know if you understood what I meant, because for me, expressing feelings and feeling things are two different things'," Lucifer said. "And then we would, in fact, bloody well listen and stop thinking whatever we were thinking."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia got up so abruptly and with such little grace that it sent sand flying. Sorry about your abandoned foot, Duke. Except maybe not really, after that victim thing.

(Far less offensive than probably several of her choices in this conversation, but, well, something had snapped there.)

She suddenly couldn't see very well through the blur in her eyes, so she addressed... their general direction. "Well, you can think in peace, now." And she grabbed her shoes and turned to stomp off further down the beach.

(Something that didn't feel safe right now was letting them see her crying.)

[betterthanaplan]

Duke curled in on himself, foot and all.

"Are we supposed to chase after her now?" he asked. Lucifer, nominally, but also the universe at large.

So much for their track record of people not leaving.

[my_own_advocate]

"Not you," Lucifer murmured. "Though darling? May I suggest taking a moment to reflect on the word 'victim' here?"

He kissed the top of Duke's head. "I'll talk to her," he said. "I'll leave you the wine."

And he gingerly attempted to disentangle himself.

[betterthanaplan]

“I know,” Duke said. (He also didn’t entirely think he was wrong. Just that he shouldn’t have said it out loud.)

He tipped his head in the direction she’d stormed off, without actually looking.

“Go.”

He’d be here. With the wine. Which he might or might not drink.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer straightened himself.

He let his hand fall to Duke's shoulder. "I love you," he said, softer. "I know you're trying your best."

Only then did he step away. Let his hand fall, and his eyes settle on Octavia's retreating back.

Then his feet followed.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia hadn't made it very far, stumbling like she was. First because of trying to get her shoes on, then because of simply trying to keep moving on uneven, sandy terrain, in the dark, while tears clouded her vision and rolled down her cheeks.

This was what she got for trying to go into a big conversation half-cocked. As if she didn't know how these things went, as if she didn't know what she was like. Wasn't she proving at least some of their points by storming off?

But she'd been trying to hold something in and hold something together for most of the time they'd been on this island.

And whatever she'd been holding that together with had just given out.

... Much like one of her legs seemed to, right then, as her foot caught on something, and sent her toppling onto her knees in the sand.

[my_own_advocate]

And here Lucifer had just been gearing himself up to have-- a fight? Something like that? With her?

Then she went down.

"Octavia!" he yelled, taking off into a run.

He didn't stop until he got to her.

[okteiviakom]

He found her still on her knees, slumped over and sobbing in a manner bordering on hysterical. Because all of this hadn't been embarrassing enough, so far.

(You know, for the Octavia later who would have to look back on her own actions.)

[my_own_advocate]

"Octavia," Lucifer said, dropping to his knees in the sand beside her.

He gathered her into his arms without even thinking.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's little flail when he touched her was reflexive, more than anything.

Same as the noise like a wounded animal that she made.

[my_own_advocate]

"Octavia, Octavia, darling, it's me," Lucifer babbled.

He didn't let go.

[okteiviakom]

After another, even weaker flail, Octavia slumped more against him. Almost like she had no choice.

Still crying, sobbing in a way that seemed to only barely give her a chance to get a breath.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wasn't watching. (Fairly pointedly, trying to give Octavia the space she seemed to need.) But he couldn't help but hear.

The shout. The hurt noise. The sobbing.

(He'd done that to her. Again.)

He shoved that thought away.

(It must be nice to feel things out loud like that. Things that weren't anger.)

That one wasn't much better.

He started drinking the wine in long, deep swigs.

[my_own_advocate]

Duke really needed to work on his resentment towards Octavia.

"There, love, please, it'll be all right," Lucifer babbled, holding on.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia made another pained noise.

It sounded like 'no'.

(When was this ever supposed to be all right if they - she - couldn't even talk?)

[my_own_advocate]

"We just have to pick ourselves up and try again," Lucifer whispered.

[okteiviakom]

"How many times?"

It was louder than a whisper, but thanks to Octavia's currently limited lung capacity, not a full wail, either.

[my_own_advocate]

"As many times as it takes," Lucifer said quietly. "But you may have to learn a few new things in the process."

[okteiviakom]

And now Octavia's voice went small and broken.

"What if I can't?"

Useless question. She knew the outcome. It was a not-insignificant part of the reason for her current hysterics.

[my_own_advocate]

"Oh, niron," Lucifer said, his voice going softer. "You are capable of so much more than you allow yourself to believe - and you are so much more loved."

He leaned in to brush a kiss against her cheek.

"You won't be alone in this. I won't let you."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia answered with... another broken sob.

It wasn't her best work.

[my_own_advocate]

"So you can let it out now, with me," Lucifer said quietly, "And then we're going to get up. We'll go back. We'll tell him we love him. And then you'll tell him you struggle to find the right words to both be you and let him be him. That that scares you, because you don't want to lose him."

He ran his fingers over her hair, trying to soothe. "Because that's how he feels, too."

[okteiviakom]

It was... charitable of him to be saying so much in a moment where Octavia couldn't even begin to process half of it.

Also, she seemed to be trying to get up right now.

[my_own_advocate]

Well. He was trying, here.

Lucifer moved with her. He wasn't sure what else to do.

He stopped talking, at least.

[okteiviakom]

Even as she got back on her feet, Octavia was leaning on him heavily.

Gasped a few labored breaths.

"T-take me back?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I will," Lucifer promised.

He slid his arm around her waist. "Come on," he added, softer, and began to turn with her, towards Duke.

[okteiviakom]

Well, at least her legs and feet still worked, even with the heavy lean, even with how fuzzy and pained her mind felt.

She moved with Lucifer.

[my_own_advocate]

And so slowly, one step at a time, Lucifer led her back along the beach. Duke became clearer with each step.

Closer.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke heard the scrunch of their feet in the sand getting closer. He took another long swig from the wine and set it aside again.

His face was angled their way, but he was looking at the sand.

(He didn't resent Octavia her feelings. Or at least, it wasn't only resentment. He ached for it. For that kind of freedom for himself.)

(He'd always wanted to be more like her.)

[okteiviakom]

Once they were only a handful of steps away, Octavia pushed away from Lucifer - and stumbled over to where she could sink down by Duke's side, facing him.

She gasped his name. It sounded strangled, because everything out of her mouth right now did.

(She looked a mess, no surprise there.)

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let her fall out of his arms. (He felt helpless, yes. But also like his part was-- well, it was done for now.)

He watched them.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't look at her again yet.

"I'm sorry I said you make yourself a victim," he said. Voice still quiet and spare. "That was cruel."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's expression wobbled some more. Or wobbled again.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "For being so difficult. And because I find words so... hard. To find."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a flat huff, not quite a laugh. "You're better at them than me."

'More precise', Lucifer had said. Not better. More precise.

"I just want you to talk to me," he said. "And I want to talk to you. Without . . . screwing it up all the time."

[okteiviakom]

"I know."

The words seemed to only barely make it out past her throat.

Also, she lifted up her arms, and tried to slide them around his shoulders - clearly braced for rejection the whole time.

[my_own_advocate]

Beside them, quietly, Lucifer lowered himself down until he was seated in the sand.

He stretched his legs out.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't reject the embrace. He let it happen without relaxing, hand coming up shakily before finding a spot to rest on her back.

"You're allowed to express yourself."

That seemed really important to say out loud right now.

"I wish I could be . . . precise enough. For you."

[okteiviakom]

While her arms wound themselves tight around him, Octavia pressed her face against his shoulder. (And his shoulder was about to be wet.)

"I'm sorry I can't seem to control it," she said, close to a whisper. Strained. "I tried, I really tried, but I'd been... holding on for too long --"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shook his head, hanging onto her a little harder in return.

"I don't want you to have to hold on. But I can't get everything right all the time."

He let out a slightly broken laugh.

"You want me to ask things. Not assume. But it feels like you're always assuming the worst of me." He pulled back, trying to look at her face. "Is that still all in my head?"

Lucifer had said something about it too, this time, though. He was pretty sure of that, at least.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia remained probably not in the best state to give the most coherent answers, considering she still sounded about two steps away from hyperventilating.

But she was trying.

Also yes, her face was tear-streaked. "I don't think I do," she said, "but, there's just, you've said things. In our fights. That are hard to forget."

[betterthanaplan]

"What things?" Duke asked. Croaked, maybe. His face wasn't entirely dry, either.

(He'd 'said things'. Of course he said things. He always said things. Usually half of it was babble to try and fill space while he tried to find the things he actually wanted to say.)

[okteiviakom]

"About me," Octavia whispered, hoarse. "About how I say things. Do things."

She wasn't exactly revealing anything new, considering the earlier parts of the current mess.

"How it feels."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke did his best not to hear that as a criticism. As him being wrong for asking for what he needed.

(He might have been wrong about how he asked. His own use of the word 'victim' echoed in his head.)

"You've said things to me, too," he said, rather than try to apologize for things he wasn't sure of. "Things that echo in my head." Some of which had been echoing for years, now. "Things that I get . . . defensive about."

[okteiviakom]

"I probably didn't mean for them to... stay around like that," Octavia murmured. Her eyes were brimming over again. It didn't take much, right now. "I hope I didn't."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah." Duke's lip quirked. More of a smile than it had been last time he aimed that expression at her. "Neither do I."

They both needed to learn how to let some of what the other person said and did go. Not take it as personally.

[okteiviakom]

"But it means you know why it's hard," Octavia murmured. "To ignore."

[betterthanaplan]

“I do,” Duke said. “It’s hard. But it’s also worth it.”

[okteiviakom]

"I'm worried," Octavia admitted, and oh, her voice was little more than a broken whisper again. "What if it's too hard?"

What if they lost all of this.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wanted to tell her it wouldn’t be. He wanted to be able to promise.

He couldn’t set himself up to break more promises to her.

“I’m worried about that, too,” he admitted. “I think it would be really bad. For all of us.” He shook his head a tiny bit. “But that’s why we’re going to keep trying.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wouldn't have believed him even if he had tried to promise, anyway.

She swallowed.

More tears escaped onto her cheeks.

[betterthanaplan]

They were on the same page there, at least.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” he said softly. “We just need to figure out how to be afraid and keep trying anyway,”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a soft breath, only just finding the wherewithal to look aside. At them.

But he said nothing. It wasn't his conversation to have, just to... help.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia pressed her face to Duke's shoulder again. At some point here, she was hoping she'd manage a steady breath again. Just the one would do.

Not yet, though.

"It's just been so... hard, lately," she muttered. "Like everything's changing. Shifting."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke’s face crumpled. It wasn’t everything changing; it was him.

“If you ask me for something,” he said again, voice soft. “I will try to give it to you. And if I can’t, I’ll try to tell you why.”

[okteiviakom]

He might've been the starting point, but the ripples went beyond him. Into other things.

"And you... want the same?" she murmured. "The other way around?"

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah," Duke said. "That would be nice."

It felt like a good place to start, to him.

[okteiviakom]

It still felt like a starting place that they were going to struggle to get to, to Octavia.

But she nodded, faintly, against his shoulder.

"And what if we're both asking for things that... the other can't give?"

Like, say, space. To have their feelings out in the open.

[betterthanaplan]

"Then we'll know why," Duke said. "And we can go from there."

[okteiviakom]

Again it sounded much neater than Octavia could see it working out in real life, but it didn't seem helpful to point out in the moment. And it was hard for her to judge which of her thoughs were rational and which where fueled by whatever grief she'd succumbed to out further on the beach.

So she nodded again.

And after some hesitation, asked, "Should I tell you what I needed tonight? When I... started this."

[betterthanaplan]

"Sure," Duke said. (She'd asked for boundaries. Eventually an apology. And he'd done his best to provide both -- only to get it wrong and send her running away screaming. He would love an explanation.)

[okteiviakom]

"This might sound familiar to you," Octavia muttered. "But I needed to be heard. And understood."

A breath. Still not fully steady.

"I was bringing something to you that I'd been keeping to myself for a while," she continued. "At least for me, I was saying that there is this thing that I haven't been able to do, and I felt like what I was getting back was that I should be able to. Like I couldn't even get the problem across. And I needed so badly to feel understood." Here, she turned to look to Lucifer. "Bad enough that it makes me pedantic."

Because what else had there been left for the desperation in her, except clinging to words?

[my_own_advocate]

Ah.

"I'm sorry, darling," Lucifer said. Suitably chastened.

[betterthanaplan]

“Okay,” Duke said. He glanced at Lucifer, then took a slow breath and addressed Octavia again. “What do you need from me to help you feel understood?”

[okteiviakom]

"Acnowledgment feels like a good start," Octavia replied, as her gaze slid from Lucifer back to Duke. "And taking the time to listen. Before trying to... solve whatever it is."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded. It wasn’t terribly different from what he’d asked for from Lucifer.

“I’ll do my best. Can I ask you for something?”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia nodded, too.

"What is it?"

Something in her felt immediately braced for something. Their track record with this question wasn't stellar, lately.

[betterthanaplan]

“Can you be patient with me?” Duke asked. “When I get the words wrong?”

He still couldn’t read her mind. He hoped he wasn’t somehow asking for too much.

[okteiviakom]

"If you can also try to show me you've listened."

No one here was a mindreader. Somehow not even Lucifer.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke flinched. That ‘if’ weighed a lot in his head. Said her care and patience were contingent on him doing something he’d thought he already did.

He could earn patience if he did everything else perfectly.

“And if I get it wrong?” he asked, voice hoarse.

[okteiviakom]

"Then you try again."

He had heard the 'try' the first time she'd said it, right?

[betterthanaplan]

“While you’re yelling or freezing me out?” Duke asked with a wet huff. “That’s. . . .”

He needed her patience to listen. She needed his listening to be patient.

One of them would have to give. And as usual, Duke decided it was him.

“I’ll . . . I’ll try.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had definitely not meant to communicate it in as transactional a fashion as he was taking it.

Also, she fully ignored the last thing he said. Happened when the lead-in was what it was. "I meant I'd try too," she said, voice just a fraction tighter.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke blinked at her. His expression lifted again.

“Oh.” He gave her a shaky smile. “Right.” He started to apologize, then stopped himself. “Good.”

[okteiviakom]

"We need to both be trying," Octavia said, still with some of that tightness. Just to make it extra clear.

And then she looked to Lucifer again.

"All of us."

[my_own_advocate]

"All of us," Lucifer echoed, a release of breath more than anything else. "And keep... telling ourselves to stop, listen, and wait a bit with the solutions."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded. “Even when we’re mad. Or scared. Or confused.”

[okteiviakom]

"Yeah," Octavia agreed quietly, nodding. "Even then. Even when it's hard."

And it was hard all the fucking time, lately.

[my_own_advocate]

"Because I love you both very much," Lucifer said softly. "And you deserve the effort."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a wet laugh, wondering if that was partially a prompt from Lucifer. He decided not to say it, though.

Instead: "I think we found our New Year's resolution."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia... swallowed.

And glanced at Lucifer.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer looked back at her, though with faint confusion in his eyes. Why was she looking at him?

"I believe so," he said.

He held a hand out for her.

"But I for one have faith in us."

[betterthanaplan]

Yeah, Duke was already worrying that he’d Gotten It Wrong again, with that swallow and look.

“Because we all love each other,” he agreed cautiously. “So we’re going to keep working on it. Not just this year.”

Was he now trying too hard? He worried he was maybe trying too hard.

[okteiviakom]

"I love both of you, too," Octavia murmured as she reached out to take Lucifer's hand.

Yeah, that.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer gave her hand a firm squeeze, and scooted in close.

"Happy new years, darlings," he said. Quiet, but affectionate.