my_own_advocate | Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

It had certainly been a complicated week, hadn't it? Luckily, it had ended before the weekend, and Lucifer, Duke and Octavia had had all Saturday to recover.

That didn't mean Lucifer hadn't been slightly surprised that Octavia was still game for date night. But he had grasped it with every bit of enthusiasm he could foster. And yes, that did mean dinner had featured a genuinely ridiculous amount of tropical fruit.

"Suppose I should've put a protein in there," he mused, settling back and eyeing his empty dessert bowl with satisfaction.

[[ for her and sp. eta: nsfw-bound... ish? ]]

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From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer nodded. "I suppose that would make sense," he mused. "I should ask Linda."

From:

okteiviakom

"I've been trying to get better," Octavia admitted, nuzzling at his shoulder a little. "About touching. After I get... upset."

From:

my_own_advocate

"It helps," Lucifer said softly. "Has helped."

From:

okteiviakom

"It can reel me back in," Octavia murmured. "But sometimes it's really hard to remember that."

From:

my_own_advocate

"You become so-- hard to reach, sometimes," Lucifer said quietly.

From:

okteiviakom

"I know."

Tiny sigh.

"I used to have a use for it."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Oh?"

From:

okteiviakom

Octavia's eyes closed.

"In the end, down in the bunker, I didn't really have anyone," she muttered. "So putting up a wall was better."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Safer?" Lucifer said quietly.

From:

okteiviakom

"There wasn't a lot left that could hurt me," Octavia replied, with a little bit of a rasp. "But yeah. That, too."

From:

my_own_advocate

"I have some idea of what it's like," Lucifer said slowly. "Being on one's own like that, sole ruler of your domain."

From:

okteiviakom

"I know."

That was barely a whisper.

"Tell me about it?"

From:

my_own_advocate

"I'm not sure how much there is to tell," Lucifer admitted. "It was just... endless." He shifted a bit, trying to lean into her more. "Anger was my shield. My trips to the human world were brief. There, I learned to trade anger for desire, when I had the opportunity. But those were all I had."

From:

okteiviakom

Octavia's head turned, and she tried her best to bury her face in the crook of his neck.

"You deserved more."

From:

my_own_advocate

"My Father thought otherwise," Lucifer said. "As did my siblings."

From:

okteiviakom

"Yeah, it's amazing just how wrong a bunch of supposedly higher beings can be," Octavia rasped.

From:

my_own_advocate

Lucifer laughed. He couldn't help it. "Mm, yes."

From:

okteiviakom

It sounded good. It felt good, the way the sound vibrated out from his chest.

It finally tugged on the edges of Octavia's lips a little.

"Lucky thing you found us," she drawled.

From:

my_own_advocate

"Very lucky," Lucifer agreed. "I-- needed the Detective and the people I met in LA to, ah, figure out what it's like to actually be anything other than... angry or lustful to another."

He kissed the top of her head. "And then you and Duke taught me what it was like to be safe when I was."

From:

okteiviakom

Octavia had no choice, suddenly, but to slide her arm around his waist, turning this yet into more of an embrace.

"And I'm proud that we did."

That they'd managed to get their shit together enough for that.

From:

my_own_advocate

"So yes, I am terrified when you shut down and I feel as if I've done something wrong," Lucifer said, and slid his other arm around her, too. "But it's in part because you've given me something so precious that I am terrified of losing it."

From:

okteiviakom

"You won't ever lose me over anything you decide to do or not do like you did tonight," Octavia murmured. "I can promise you that much."

From:

my_own_advocate

"Thank you."

Lucifer took a moment. Another, to be aware of her.

"So what is it you desire most out of those... Moments?"

From:

okteiviakom

"It changes," Octavia murmured. "Sometimes it's... getting put in my place. Putting up a fight just to have that get crushed." This wasn't news to him, and there wasn't anyone else here, but she still found herself speaking softer and quieter. "Sometimes I want pain, sometimes not. I think -- there was that one time where I just wanted the pain and nothing else. That's... not how it usually is."

That had been a very particular time, all discomfort and freshly triggered bad memories.

"And sometimes I just want to feel like a fight isn't even worth starting. Like there's... worth in just giving in. Being... good." Such a loaded word in this context that it sent the tiniest shiver down her spine. She lifted one shoulder in an awkward half-shrug. "And, finally, I guess tonight, after you pulled me onto your lap, what I wanted was to just... Not be responsible for anything. I wanted to just float along on it, whatever you chose." Well. "Well, clearly not quite whatever."