Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Afternoon

[my_own_advocate]

It was another one of Those Weekends, and Lucifer, for his part, had absolutely no interest and going out to see Steamboat Rougey or whatever the hell had probably become of Duke. This thing the island was doing was entirely too PG for him, thank you.

He wandered through the living room in his silk bathrobe, flicking his lighter multiple times. It sparked, but somehow failed to produce a single working flame.

"Bugger," he snarled irritably. "Right. More scotch it is, then."

[[ expecting one, CW for casual drug use ]]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"I'm willing to experiment if you are," Lucifer said, grinning at him.

[betterthanaplan]

"Oh, I'm always down for a good experiment," Duke said.

[my_own_advocate]

"Then I'll get the snuggies if you dig around and grab some popcorn or something," Lucifer said, sweeping off into the next room because, again, this was just who he was.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke tossed him a jaunty salute, and took another toke off the joint as he went to go rummage through Lucifer's pantry

[my_own_advocate]

He'd definitely find some microwave popcorn and chips in there, alongside sizable evidence for Lucifer's sweet tooth.

Lucifer himself dug around until he found two exorbitantly expensive wearable blankets in the back of another cabinet. He took them with him to the sofa, and immediately yanked the reddish-pink one over his head.

Yep. Still comfy.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke picked out a wide variety of snacks both sweet and savory and went to join him. “You look ready for a night of ice cream and rom-coms.” He set the snacks onto the coffee table. “Which is fine by me, though I humbly request they at least be gay ones.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer rolled his eyes, nodding his head at the green blanket thing. "I was thinking more a good detective or something of the kind," he said, turning on the television. "Preferably with some grisly murders."

[betterthanaplan]

“Ooo, yes! And nudity.” Duke scooped up the green thing and after som fumbling, got it wrapped cozily around him. He dropped onto the couch practically in Lucifer’s lap, and offered him the joint.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer accepted the joint with one hand, and kept jumping from channel to channel until he spotted something that looked like a police station.

He took a drag of the joint and leaned into Duke. "There we are."

[betterthanaplan]

“It cool if I boo the cops?” Duke asked, tilting his head onto Lucifer’s shoulder.

[my_own_advocate]

"Be my guest," Lucifer said, as a scruffy man in a suit with a questionable bleach job appeared on screen and started bragging about a case.

[betterthanaplan]

“Booo!” Duke called cheerfully. “Your roots are showing!”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer snickered, dropping the remote and sliding an arm around Duke's shoulders. "That suit is all right," he said, "but the costuming budget is clearly lacking."

The man on screen called out for his sidekick, "Detective Dancer! Fresh off the pole this morning?"

Dancer laughed a very badly acted laugh. "Oh, Diablo," she sighed.

[betterthanaplan]

“Diablo?” Duke crowed. “Wait, hang on, is she a pole-dancing detective?”

[my_own_advocate]

"I think she might be," Lucifer said, tilting his head.

Production credits flew by at the bottom of the screen and he tilted more. And frowned a bit.

"Come on, Dancer!" Diablo announced. "I need you in your best lapdancing shape! We can't let this serial killer get away!"

[betterthanaplan]

“This . . .” Duke shook his head with a chuckle. “This is awful. She should sue this Diablo guy for harassment.”

[my_own_advocate]

"But how will we even know where to start, Diablo?" said doe-eyed Dancer.

"I'll check with my connections..." There was a significant pause. "In the underworld."

Lucifer took a big drag off of that blunt and held it out for Duke. "Well," he said, "Now I know why that showrunner was so interested in my life."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke looked from him to the show and back. Several times.

Then just started cackling.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer shrugged idly, undeterred, and somehow managed to reacquire his glass of scotch without jostling Duke too much.

"Oh, look," he said, "I think that's supposed to be Lux."

That certainly was a very tall, very male bartender--

"Oh, Blaze!" sighed a booby blonde in large glasses. "You don't want to know what a terrible time I had in therapy today!"

"And there's Linda," Lucifer mused.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke was still laughing. "Oh my -- you should demand royalties."

[my_own_advocate]

"Not a terrible idea," Lucifer mused, sipping his drink as not-Linda and 'Blaze' made out with a ridiculous amount of tongue.

[betterthanaplan]

"Wait. Have Maze and Linda ever. . . ?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I mean, Maze was very clingy for a while," Lucifer mused, "But not that I'm aware." Beat. "In real life, at least."

What? They were both very attractive, and Lucifer had a lively imagination.

[betterthanaplan]

"Damn, that's too bad," Duke said. "They'd be really hot together."

[my_own_advocate]

"I know," Lucifer sighed, taking another hearty sip. "And it might have stopped Maze getting so bloody territorial about first Linda and then my bloody nephew."

A pause. "You know who Maze did sleep with?" he said. "Amenadiel."

Which was still bizarre and hilarious.