Lucifer's Mansion, Very Early Saturday Morning

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer came back from his shift at the bar - and subsequent trip to the hotel - in decidedly less grand spirits than that he'd started it. Morose Duke was never good, and morose Duke over-- whatever that incredible mess was...

It had Lucifer wishing Seivarden had been around for some distraction. He hadn't exactly been in the mood to pick up somebody new, especially not after Duke had told him everything.

At least sleep would probably do him good. He let out a sigh and turned the last corner towards his house, keys already in hand.

Wait. Was there someone sitting on the steps?

[[ for someone; CW for mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation ]]

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[okteiviakom]

Octavia let him, somehow.

More tears escaped. She shut her eyes tightly again. "I can't go home," she mumbled. "I know that."

Well, she'd had a good run of... what, two weeks?

[my_own_advocate]

"Not that particular home, no," Lucifer agreed. He leaned away a bit, considering her. "But you have places to stay."

[okteiviakom]

"Always had those," Octavia muttered, keeping her eyes closed.

She'd rarely had a home. At least one where she wasn't asked to be violent for the common good.

And now she'd brought violence with her onto the Rouge. Just like they'd done to Luna's rig before Praimfaya.

[my_own_advocate]

"It's better than trying to slip back into a skin you no longer fit."

[okteiviakom]

"Which one am I supposed to wear now?"

Her eyes opened. Red and wet and pleading as she looked over at him.

"I've been Skairipa, I've been Osleya, I've been Blodreina." Her voice broke on the last word. She pressed on anyway, her voice tight and small. "What's left?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I don't know," Lucifer said simply. "That's up to you, isn't it?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia made a wounded noise and turned her head forward again, staring at nothing.

Trying to just breathe.

[my_own_advocate]

"You used to get upset with me if I gave you titles you hadn't chosen for yourself," Lucifer noted.

[okteiviakom]

"That was different," Octavia muttered.

If only because she had actually had a decent grasp on who she was, back then. Even if it hadn't always felt like that at the time.

[my_own_advocate]

"Seems like a better place to start than 'assassin' or 'champion' or 'queen'," Lucifer said.

[okteiviakom]

"I had to be all those things."

Which, yes, was the problem now. Nothing was forcing her anymore.

(Except the mess of guilt and rage she carried around with her.)

[my_own_advocate]

"And now you don't."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia let her head drop against her hands. Yes, even though it hurt one of them. At least the painkillers had kicked in, dulling everything a little bit.

"But I still am." She'd still been Blodreina kom Wonkru less than a month ago. "Tonight's proof."

[my_own_advocate]

"Tonight's proof of nothing but that you're currently a suicidal idiot fueled by guilt," Lucifer said dryly.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia rubbed her temple. Sounded tired. A little helpless, and yet still managing a faint drawl. "I worried he was going to end up hating me the same as everyone else."

This was one way to solve that, sure.

[my_own_advocate]

"You know that's not something you should be proactive about," Lucifer said, eyeing her.

[okteiviakom]

"Better now than after he finds out who I became without him?"

She didn't really think that. She just had to -- try and grasp comfort where she could, no matter how twisted.

[my_own_advocate]

"You're at least saving yourself a year's worth of 'no, baby, I love you for whoever you are now'," Lucifer said, mimicking Duke's accent with surprising accuracy.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's response to that was immediate and sharp.

"Don't."

[my_own_advocate]

"Touchy," Lucifer sighed. "But honestly, the line between affirmation and denial is quite thin. Especially with people like Duke."

And Chloe.

[okteiviakom]

It wasn't even that. Octavia just did not take very kindly to anything that sounded like it was mocking Duke.

Her voice was back to a glum mumble. "It's not denial if they don't know what they're talking about."

[my_own_advocate]

"No, that's definitely denial," Lucifer said, and now he wished he'd brought his drink with him. "Pointedly ignoring all hints to the contrary."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia had arguments to counter that with, but... She drew in a deep breath, then let it go as a sigh. "I don't want to talk about this now."

Felt theoretical, anyway. She'd ruined things, they didn't have to go over whether Duke should have seen it coming or not.

[my_own_advocate]

"Fine, I suppose," Lucifer said. He took a breath and eyed her. "If I leave you here for the night, will you be all right?"

[okteiviakom]

"Define 'all right'," Octavia rasped.