my_own_advocate | Haven, Wednesday Morning

Lucifer	Another day, another no-doubt terrible no-good murderous trouble, another box of doughnuts open in Lucifer's hands as he walked into Haven PD with a grin on his face. "Good morning!" he called. "There's extra raspberry jelly ones this time! Extras go to the first person to tell me about the gas leak of the day. Anyone?"
Nathan	Nathan leaned out of his office with a glare. "We have plenty of cops here."
Lucifer	"How dare you imply I'm a police officer," Lucifer said, holding open the doughnut box for an approaching uniform. "I'm consulting, and you clearly need me."
Nathan	"No," Nathan said blandly. "We don't."
Lucifer	"Grand words from the man who nearly committed suicide-by-trouble twice in the short period of time I've known you," Lucifer said, sweeping towards Nathan with the doughnuts as soon as the uniforms had had their fill.
Nathan	"I would have handled it," Nathan grumbled, shifting away from Lucifer and his donuts -- and right into a man also crossing the bullpen. "Excuse me." The man scowled at Nathan, moving out of his way to bump into him again. When Nathan frowned, he spread his arms. "What?" His gesture showed off a bandage on his hand -- and a tattoo on the inside of his forearm, shaped like a little circular maze with little humanoid figures at all the compass points. A Guard tattoo. Nathan looked at it, then glared back up at the man. "You get one."
Lucifer	"I'm beginning to see why you have so many friends," Lucifer called helpfully. He'd been trundling after Nathan, but, well. He was a man with a box of doughnuts at a police station, diversions happened.
Nathan & Dwight	Nathan opened his mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by Dwight. "Nathan, we got a call about a city worker. He never checked in. Supervisor found him in the sewer." He looked up and spotted Lucifer. "Mr. Morningstar. You here to assist again?" "No," Nathan grumbled. "He's not."
Lucifer	"I am," Lucifer said merrily. He held up the box for Dwight. "Doughnut?"
Dwight & Nathan	Dwight lifted his hand automatically, then pulled it back. "I, uh. Try to eat healthy." "Sewer worker," Nathan said. "He fall asleep on the job?" "Hm?" Dwight looked up and shook his head. "No. Dead. Likely a trouble."
Lucifer	"One day you're going to have a regular murderer and you won't even know what to do with yourself," Lucifer told him. "And come on. One doughnut won't kill you, surely?"
Dwight & Nathan	"Around here, it might," Dwight said, shaking his head. Nathan was already striding towards the door. Dwight gestured Lucifer on ahead of him. "I, at least, am happy for the help. Nathan is . . . Nathan."
Lucifer	"Suicidal and incapable of communicating in anything more than a sour grunt?" Lucifer suggested, setting the box down on the table as he moved in the direction Dwight had pointed him in. "Not doing much to discourage me from believing you and Duke are the only tolerable Havenites in existence."
Dwight	"Wouldn't call him suicidal," Dwight mused. "More of a . . . passive death wish, really." He shrugged. "But hey. At least I count as tolerable." Until he led Lucifer into a sewer once they got to the scene, anyway.

Nathan & Dwight	Nathan paced the small space, head bent to keep from brushing against the low, curved ceiling of the dry sewer. "We know how the victim died?" Dwight stood by the ladder, shining his flashlight along the dirty floor. "M.E. says the body was completely drained of blood."
Lucifer	"A vampire?" Lucifer suggested, his hands in his pockets as he sauntered along the-- "Oh, this is disgusting," he muttered, lifting his foot. "My poor Louboutins."
Nathan & Dwight	"You're welcome to wait outside," Nathan said, not looking up at him. "Was he cut?" he asked Dwight. "Any puncture wounds?" "Not that anyone found." Dwight shrugged. He looked at Lucifer. "Guess vampires still leave bite marks, huh?"
Lucifer	"Mythically speaking, yes," Lucifer said, fishing a tissue from his pocket. "But in this town, it may as well be 'telekinetically yanking it through their capillaries, or something equally unhygienic."
Dwight & Nathan	"Well, that's reassuring," Dwight muttered. His phone rang and he stepped aside to answer it. "Let me guess," Nathan muttered, still scanning the ground. "You're an expert in vampirism too, now?"
Lucifer	"I said 'mythically'," Lucifer said, wiping the gunk off the bottom of his shoe with clear distaste on his expression. "I only know one vampire personally, and he's more of a happy slut who drinks only blood substitutes and DJs."
Nathan & Dwight	Nathan finally looked up at Lucifer, like he was trying to see through some kind of trick. Before he could say anything, Dwight hung up. "We got another body. Couple streets over." He looked at Lucifer. "This one's above ground, at least, but if you want to borrow some shoe protectors, I'm sure the coroner can hook you up."
Lucifer	"Please," Lucifer said, emphatically. "Where is this coroner? It's an emergency."
Nathan & Dwight	"Guessing with the body," Nathan said. He couldn't climb away from Lucifer fast enough. The second body was the same as the first: entirely drained of blood, without a spilled drop or an obvious point of exit. It was found just next to a manhole cover, which Dwight stared down at, his lips pursed in consternation, as Nathan shot a glare towards a truck parked by the cross street. "Looks like Jordan's still on dead man's watch," he said. Dwight looked up and sighed. "I can talk to Vince about that."
Lucifer	"Do you think they might have spat it out?" Lucifer wondered. He leaned back against a lamp post as he worked the protective covers over his poor shoes.
Dwight & Nathan	"Jordan?" Dwight asked, thrown by the change of subject. "Sewer," Nathan said. "Killer may have come out of there. Starting to like the vampire theory." "I'll have to check the maps," Dwight said. "I think this is the same line that runs under 4th Street. I'll tell everyone to stay away from the sewer drains, that there was a toxic spill at the aluminum plant outside town."
Lucifer	Lucifer had stopped caring about Jordan approximately several days ago, and saw no point in bringing her up again. Who didn't hate Nathan, really? "A sewer-dwelling vampire?" he said, putting his foot back down. "Is he hitting the showers one by one like a classic horror movie?"
Dwight	Speak of the you, Lucifer ~~because the mun cannot resist that opening~~, one of the uniformed officers came over to talk hurriedly with Dwight. “Already?!” he said. “Whatever this thing is, it’s moving fast. We’ve got another body.” He gave Lucifer a dark look. “This one in a bathroom up the street.”
Lucifer	"So it is moving along the sewer," Lucifer said, frowning. "What else is down that road?"
Dwight & Nathan	"Map," Dwight ordered. "One that shows the sewer lines. Now!" The officer hurried off to obey. "Should seal the access off," Nathan said. "We're sure the shower body is the same thing?" "Blood-free," Dwight said. "I can check the scene and make sure, but the officer swears they didn't find any blood splatter at all."
Lucifer	"This town does love emulating its horror classics, doesn't it?" Lucifer sighed. He walked towards Dwight, because he wanted to see this map, as well.
Dwight & Jordan	Dwight started marking off crime scenes as soon as he got the map. They formed a nearly straight line, following the sewer exactly. He didn't look up at Lucifer's approach -- or at Jordan, who came stalking over herself. "This is a crime scene," he told her. "A troubled crime scene," Jordan said. "Or you'd have uniforms crawling all over the place." "I'm trying to run an investigation here."
Lucifer	Lucifer studied the map himself as the two of them bickered. "You're not going to contribute anything useful besides resuming your glowering competition with Mr. Numb Pants, so I suggest you leave," he said idly, following the line of the sewer with his fingertip.
Jordan	"I don't take orders from you," Jordan sneered back. Then: "What the hell is that?!" She was looking into the drainage ditch by the side of the road, where an overflow pipe lined in iron bars led down under the road. And at the slick looking red thing was slipping very quickly away into said pipe.
Lucifer	"What?" Lucifer said, and twisted around to-- "Oh, holy Slink."
Jordan & Dwight	"Is that . . . blood?" Jordan asked, horrified. "Maybe 30 pints worth," Dwight confirmed. "Whole blood volume of three people."
Lucifer	"Right, so not a vampire," Lucifer said, blinking. Right. Well. This was new. "We've got homicidal hemoglobin."
Dwight & Nathan & Jordan	“Only in Haven,” Dwight said. Behind them, Nathan was looking at the map. “It’s moving in a straight line. Headed for the station. Looks like it came from out here.” He poked part of the map. “Nothing out that way but woods.” Jordan looked at the map. “Been out of town too long. Mike and his wife have been fixing up a place out there since the storm.” “He have a blood trouble?” “He hasn’t said. Most people don’t like to talk about them, you know.”
Lucifer	"Which is incredibly useless," Lucifer said. "Fill up a town with people with potential murder powers and then make it nigh impossible to keep track." He eyed Dwight. "Either way, time to get moving, I'd say, before our critter exsanguinates again."
Nathan & Jordan & Dwight	"I'll go find our troubled person," Nathan said. "See if I can talk him down." "Dammit, Nathan," Jordan started, riling right up. "Stop it!" Dwight ordered. "You can both go talk to Mike. I'll work with the uniforms, get the sewers locked down. See if there are more victims along the way. If it is heading for the station, then there are a lot of people there who need to be evacuated. Lucifer, you -- can do whatever you want, really. I'm not your boss."
Lucifer	"Thank you," Lucifer said, adjusting his jacket. "I will stick by you and help you deal with the whole evacuation business. Who knows, perhaps these two will excite us by murdering each other before we get there."