Los Angeles, Sunday Morning

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer had said goodbye to the Detective late last night; too late to put his friends back on a portal, and anyway, after the past two weeks - and the weekend that had led to his coming here at all - that felt like it sent a wrong message. He set them up on the sofa in his apartment, and retired to bed.

He woke up the next morning to the news that while he'd been having his own drama, poor Linda had found herself in a hospital bed pushing a child out of her loins.

In response to the news, he called Seivarden. Seivarden seemed to like children; she surely wouldn't object to acting as some kind of shield between him and screaming little parasite, would she?

Amenadiel	"Brother!" It was a loud, ebullient, and yet oddly conflicted Amenadiel that slipped out of the hospital room with a bundle of squirming baby in his arms. "I'm glad you made it." He smiled goofily. "Meet Charlie. Charlie, meet Uncle Lucy."
Seivarden	Was Seivarden here because she wanted to see the baby or because she wanted to see Lucifer with a baby? Mostly the former, but definitely a little bit of the latter. "Congratulations," she said to Amenadiel, smiling. "He's..." here she looked to Lucifer for a confirmation of the pronoun, "...adorable."
Amenadiel	"It's a boy," Amenadiel said, laughing a little. "And thank you. Lucy, do you want to hold him? Just be sure to support the head--" Yes, while asking Lucifer if he wanted to hold baby Charlie he had already been handing Lucifer baby Charlie.
Lucifer	And... Lucifer had a baby in his arms. He looked down at the little thing - looked a bit like a scrunched-up brown jelly bean, didn't it? "Ah," he said, and rocked the baby a bit - that was what you did, wasn't it? - and made a single croony babytalking noise before... ... well, before immediately shoving the child back at Amenadiel. "I should go see Linda."
Seivarden	There was a tiny amused twitch at the corner of Seivarden's mouth as she saw that. She wasn't sure if it was rude to ask to hold the baby herself, and she did want to meet Linda, so she just said: "Unless she's too tired."
Amenadiel	"No, she should be fine," Amenadiel said, and waffled. "Erm, Lucifer? Can I talk to you about something personal in private...?"
Lucifer	Lucifer blinked, half-turning to face him again. "Oh, you can say anything you want in front of Seivarden," he said, "She'll probably either not understand or she won't care."
Seivarden	Seivarden glanced at Lucifer, not sure what he meant by that. Well, she probably wouldn't understand if it was to do with the family, they just seemed too complicated.
Amenadiel	Amenadiel eyed Seivarden warily. "Look," he said, lowering his voice. "I've recently made a decision about my son, and even though in my heart I believe it's right... I know it's going to be painful."
Lucifer	"Oh," Lucifer said slowly. Oh. Well. That. "Right, that. Well, 79 percent of American boys are circumcised--" Of course he knew that. "--So you'll be in the majority if you do, however, it does reduce sensation by about 32.8 percent, according to Dr. Oz." He smiled. "But just... weigh your options, and whether you snip it or skip it, I'm sure it'll be dandy!"
Seivarden	Seivarden, who had actually considered making an effort to understand, just looked confused. "You're right, that made no sense."
Lucifer	Lucifer grinned and slung a companionable arm around her shoulders. "Let's go see Linda," he said. As he led Seivarden towards the hospital room in question, he added, "He's trying to determine whether he should remove the foreskin on the child's penis." Thank you, Lucifer.
Seivarden	"Why would he do that?" Seivarden looked even more confused and slightly horrified. "Wait, I don't need to know."
Amenadiel	"Lucy!" Amenadiel called after them. "...Goodbye!"
Lucifer	Lucifer squinted at him weirdly. "Yeah, see ya," he said, and shut the hospital room door behind them. "Linda," he said warmly, turning towards the blonde woman on the bed. "It's good to see you in such... maternal glory. This is Seivarden. I've told you about her."
Linda	"Ah, yes," Linda said, nodding and smiling in the way that said that she had definitely been told about Seivarden. "Nice to finally meet you. Sorry it's... in a hospital bed."
Seivarden	"It's nice to meet you too," Seivarden said with a smile. "Even in a hospital bed. And congratulations, the baby is adorable." She looked at Lucifer. "I'm surprised your brother even let you hold him," she teased.
Linda	Linda's eyes went big. "He let Lucifer hold him?"
Lucifer	"Oh, don't worry, I didn't drop the child," Lucifer said, holding out a slim gift for her. "Here. For you."
Seivarden	She should have brought something perhaps. Flowers? Seivarden hadn't met Linda before though, but Lucifer wasn't really reliable when it came to inform her about what propriety required.
Linda	"Oh, Lucifer," Linda said, as she took the gift. She smiled softly. "You shouldn't have, but... thank you." She carefully unwrapped the paper. "I'm sure Charlie will--" As she pulled the paper away, it revealed an ancient-looking book. "...love it?"
Lucifer	"It's not for the baby," Lucifer said, with an eyeroll. "No, it's for you. It's Sigmund Freud's personal journal. It's just a small token to commemorate the end of my therapy." Lucifer, it had to be noted, had now tried to end his therapy twice in the space of two weeks.
Seivarden	"Who's Sigmund Freud?" Seivarden asked.
Lucifer	"A very famous psychologist who changed the face of the science and had a real obsession with his wiener," Lucifer explained.
Seivarden	"Oh," Seivarden said, almost managing to pretend that made sense.
Lucifer	Lucifer smiled, and then took a look at the look on Linda's face. "...Right, I buried the lede," he said. "I'm cured! I've forgiven myself. So our therapy has come to a close."
Linda	"A... hah," Linda said.
Seivarden	"That's what you do in therapy?" Seivarden asked, looking from Lucifer to Linda. "I'm sorry, I don't know much about therapy, we don't have it where I'm from."
Linda	"Well, that's... alarming," Linda said to Seivarden, gently putting the book in her lap. "And... no, not quite. Lucifer, what makes you think you're cured?"
Lucifer	Lucifer looked at her, trying to parse what she was saying, his eyes flicking from her face to the room and back again (maybe she is-- no). "Because I've got all of my Devil bits under control again," he said, hopping off the bed. "See? Alabaster from head to toe." He tugged demonstratively on his sleeve. Sorry, Seivarden.
Seivarden	Seivarden looked confused, and failed to hide it. She also noticed Linda's expression. "Are you sure?" she asked cautiously. Lucifer, you had been the one who wanted her to talk about serious things.
Linda	"What does Chloe think about all of this?" Linda tried gently.
Lucifer	Lucifer blinked at both of them. "She thinks I might need a little R&R, but overall I think she's as pleased as I am," he said. "So I guess that's it."
Seivarden	"What did you forgive yourself from?" Seivarden asked.
Lucifer	"Just, you know, the load of people's sins throughout history," Lucifer said brightly. "Not my fault." He gave Linda the thumbs up as he retreated to the door. "Anyway," he said, "We should be going. Enjoy your child! Have him ring me when he's old enough to go to strip clubs!"
Seivarden	Seivarden looked at Lucifer, then Linda. "A pleasure meeting you," she said. "And congratulations. Again. I don't know much about therapy, but I understand Lucifer has found it helpful. Despite..." She gestured with her hand. Whatever it was Lucifer claimed he was cured from, he was probably wrong about it. And Seivarden was supposed to be the clueless one.
Linda	"I'm used to it," Linda said, wryly. And then softer, with Lucifer already half out the door: "He'll be back when he realizes he's wrong."
Seivarden	Seivarden lowered her voice. "He admits to being wrong?"
Linda	Linda's mouth twitched with wry amusement. "Eventually. He just likes to take the long and... winding path there. A long, winding, weird, backwards stroll where he sabotages at least three good things in his life simultaneously, first. But he gets there." Beat. "Sorry, I'm not supposed to share any of that, but I just gave birth, they have me on some pretty good drugs."
Seivarden	"And I'm the one he calls clueless," Seivarden said. "And good to hear they're giving you some useful medication."
Linda	"Oh, no," Linda said dreamily, with Lucifer well out of earshot. "He is the biggest disaster in all of human history." Beat. "All of history, I guess."
Seivarden	"I hadn't expected him to be able to make quite such a mess of his love life," Seivarden said. "And he says I don't listen to advice."
Linda	"I have never, ever given that man--" Linda waved with a finger, "Any advice that he actually took. He just spins it into what he wants to hear and then storms out of my office. And then things blow up. And then he does what I told him to."
Seivarden	There was a pause. "That's a little bit like what he says to me." Not quite, and perhaps it didn't necessarily mean what Seivarden intended.
Linda	Linda let out a strained little laugh. "Oh good, there's two of you," she said. "I need stronger drugs."
Seivarden	"No, that's not what I meant," Seivarden said, adding, a bit concerned: "I do think they should give you more drugs if you need it though."
Linda	"Oh, I know it's not what you meant," Linda said, putting the journal aside. She did not elaborate.
Seivarden	"Oh, good." Seivarden smiled. "So, what does therapy involve?"
Linda	"Talking about your problems," Linda said, "And then a therapist hopefully helps you to find ways to recognize and correct your own problematic thinking."
Seivarden	There was a long silence. "And how do you do that?" Sorry Linda, in Seivarden's ears that sounded far too much like re-education.
Linda	"We talk," Linda said, tilting her head. "I ask questions and offer advice. Sometimes we do exercises, like... I don't know, considering whether a thought we had is actually a realistic interpretation of reality or just something we're feeling because we feel bad about ourselves."
Seivarden	"Oh." It sounded like going to someone for advice. "And does it work? Well, I assume it does since it's your profession."
Linda	"It does," Linda said. "Even Lucifer has managed a few breakthroughs..."
Seivarden	"So," Seivarden said. "What kind of issues does it help with?"
Linda	There was a short pause. "Look, I just had a baby," Linda said delicately, "But I can get you the names of a few good therapists if you think you might want to give it a try."
Seivarden	"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," Seivarden said. "I'll be going home soon anyway, so sadly I won't have the time to try." She smiled. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't let my curiosity make me forget that you need rest." She bowed her head slightly. "It's been a pleasure."

Afterwards, he drove back to Lux with Seivarden riding shotgun. He supposed he owed her an explanation, too.

[[ taken from Lucifer 4x10, 'Who's Da New King Of Hell?', and preplayed with the great 1000yearstoolate. OCD in the comments! ]]