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my_own_advocate"Well, I'm glad you've finally made time for me," Linda said.
Her eyebrows were doing a little dance on her forehead that Lucifer was ignoring. Yes, she'd been trying to call him for days, but well, he'd been busy, hadn't it? First with all the crimes, and then all of Thursday had been a celebration of sorts with Eve, about his return to his Devilish self. How they were going to find and punish criminals together.
It was all very exciting.
"I did owe you a meeting for old times' sake," Lucifer said, grinning on the couch.
"'For old time's sake'," Linda echoed dubiously. "Lucifer, you're still in therapy."
"I don't need it anymore," Lucifer said. "I have achieved the perfect synergy of work and play. I'm back with the Detective, consulting, and now I have my lovely girlfriend, who makes every moment a wonderful bacchanal, to back me up."
"Right," Linda said. "But just a week ago, you were living on an island in a... 'time quarantine situation'."
"It was a vacation," Lucifer said. "I mean, I had been considering making it permanent because I thought the partnership between me and the Detective was irreparably broken, but then I was proven wrong. So the cause for the--"
"Running away."
"--vacation was gone," Lucifer pressed on, "And it was time for me to return to the real world. With Eve, of course."
Linda folded her hands in her lap. "Yes, Eve," she said. "Your girlfriend. The... first woman." She'd almost let herself forget how crazy her life really was. Almost. "Is that your first committed relationship?"
"I suppose," Lucifer allowed. (He'd more or less repressed his panic about the boyfriend issue.) "Yes. With a wide opening for strangers to join us in our bed, of course."
"Of course," Linda said. "So... why now?"
"She... came back here for me," Lucifer said. "She saw my Devil face, she accepts it all. And she's willing to join me in all my Devilish pursuits. That felt like it was worth a gamble." Beat. "A try. Apologies."
"Interesting word choice," Linda said.
"Thank you."
"But you came back here because of Chloe. A woman who has prompted you to explore your less-Devilish, caring, altruistic side. There must be some tension there."
"There was," Lucifer said, "But now there isn't. Eve will be helping me."
Somehow, Linda didn't think Chloe was going to be happy with that. "Helping you solve crimes?"
"And punish bad guys, yes," Lucifer said, grinning broadly. "So, see? All calibrated. Perfectly balanced. Eve supports the Devil, Chloe gets help from the angel."
"And what about your friends on Fandom?" Linda asked. "What do they feel about this... miraculous balancing?"
Lucifer hadn't spoken to either of them since the weekend. But even he knew raising that point might land a bit poorly. "I will admit dear Octavia had some trouble with it," he allowed. "She'd prefer I return to Fandom. Rather loudly, actually."
"And why do you think that is?"
He shrugged lightly. "Octavia sees me as family," he said, "She has some abandonment trauma I do hope she's talking to her Linda about. She thinks I'm leaving her, which is, of course, preposterous."
"You did race to the other side of the country overnight," Linda pointed out.
"Yes, but I'm not dead, I'm just a phone call away," he said. "Honestly."
Linda sat up a little. "You say she sees you as family," she said. "What do you mean by that? Do you see her as family?"
"I..." Lucifer said thoughtfully, as he tried to think about it. "We have a great deal of things in common, and I'll admit, we became close. Not-- romantically or anything, though I'll admit that another threesome with her and her boyfriend is quickly becoming one of my pornographic white whales, so to speak. But as best friends." A pause. "In Octavia's mind, you're either one of us or you're one of them, and I have, apparently become 'us'. So I suppose this distance might seem rather unnatural to her."
Why was Linda sighing at him?
"That must have mattered to you. There aren't a great deal of people who know that you're the Devil and have still embraced you as part of their own."
"What do you mean by that?" he said, blinking.
"I've seen your face, and I enjoy our friendship," Linda said delicately, "But Chloe, who had treated you as one of her own, reacted rather poorly to it. She rejected you. There's Maze, who was made to serve you, and that was it before you left."
Lucifer frowned. "You don't have to make it sound so depressing, Doctor," he said. "I've been fine, thank you. Besides, neither she nor her lovable oaf of a boyfriend have actually seen my face. Nor does the fact I'm the Devil mean as much to them, especially her, because of the whole--"
"Alternate universe thing, yes, I'm trying not to think about that too hard, thank you."
"So it's not really the same, is it?" he said.
A short pause.
"It's not really real. It's-- a vacation."
"So acceptance is only real to you if it comes from someone who was originally predisposed to hate you, because of religion?" Linda said, frowning. "How does that even work?"
Lucifer sighed. "It's like one of those safe spaces the Millennials keep talking about," he said. "The island. You go in as yourself, and you find out most people don't know or care, and some of them have done things you recognize in yourself as well. And it pulls you in. And suddenly you're turning up at a rust bucket in the middle of the night because you felt lonely and this impossible woman invites you to spend a night as one of her people, and you wake up feeling safe, which is bloody preposterous, and her bloody irritatingly charming seafaring disaster of a lesser half is making you waffles."
A pause. "But it's only happening because none of them actually have to accept what you are. They can ignore it."
"Isn't that what you want?" Linda asked gently. "For people to accept you as a who, not a what?"
Lucifer's turn to sink back in his couch. "No, this is more real," he said. "I've just got to go back to being not just who, but also what I am, because otherwise--"
He cut himself off.
"Because otherwise what?" Linda prompted him, voice still gentle.
"--People get hurt," he said.
"Lucifer," Linda said, "Is that really a rational thought?"
"Yes," he said flatly.
"Which people are we even talking about?"
"You know, I came here because I wanted to close off our sessions gracefully," Lucifer said, "And recognize all you've done for me. But honestly, I needed that vacation to get my head on right, and now it's there, and I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. So that's it. Therapy finished. Congratulations to us both."
He got up off the couch.
Linda pressed her hand to her face. "Lucifer," she said. "It doesn't have to be all devils and angels. You deserve to feel safe, too. I'm afraid you're splitting up your life and your identity into pieces and depriving yourself of a chance to just be--"
"Integrating Eve into my working life, remember," Lucifer said glibly, and walked out the door.
As it slammed shut behind him, Dr. Linda Martin sighed. "I have missed these sessions," she said dryly.
[[ nfb, can be open for phone calls and so on. ]]
Her eyebrows were doing a little dance on her forehead that Lucifer was ignoring. Yes, she'd been trying to call him for days, but well, he'd been busy, hadn't it? First with all the crimes, and then all of Thursday had been a celebration of sorts with Eve, about his return to his Devilish self. How they were going to find and punish criminals together.
It was all very exciting.
"I did owe you a meeting for old times' sake," Lucifer said, grinning on the couch.
"'For old time's sake'," Linda echoed dubiously. "Lucifer, you're still in therapy."
"I don't need it anymore," Lucifer said. "I have achieved the perfect synergy of work and play. I'm back with the Detective, consulting, and now I have my lovely girlfriend, who makes every moment a wonderful bacchanal, to back me up."
"Right," Linda said. "But just a week ago, you were living on an island in a... 'time quarantine situation'."
"It was a vacation," Lucifer said. "I mean, I had been considering making it permanent because I thought the partnership between me and the Detective was irreparably broken, but then I was proven wrong. So the cause for the--"
"Running away."
"--vacation was gone," Lucifer pressed on, "And it was time for me to return to the real world. With Eve, of course."
Linda folded her hands in her lap. "Yes, Eve," she said. "Your girlfriend. The... first woman." She'd almost let herself forget how crazy her life really was. Almost. "Is that your first committed relationship?"
"I suppose," Lucifer allowed. (He'd more or less repressed his panic about the boyfriend issue.) "Yes. With a wide opening for strangers to join us in our bed, of course."
"Of course," Linda said. "So... why now?"
"She... came back here for me," Lucifer said. "She saw my Devil face, she accepts it all. And she's willing to join me in all my Devilish pursuits. That felt like it was worth a gamble." Beat. "A try. Apologies."
"Interesting word choice," Linda said.
"Thank you."
"But you came back here because of Chloe. A woman who has prompted you to explore your less-Devilish, caring, altruistic side. There must be some tension there."
"There was," Lucifer said, "But now there isn't. Eve will be helping me."
Somehow, Linda didn't think Chloe was going to be happy with that. "Helping you solve crimes?"
"And punish bad guys, yes," Lucifer said, grinning broadly. "So, see? All calibrated. Perfectly balanced. Eve supports the Devil, Chloe gets help from the angel."
"And what about your friends on Fandom?" Linda asked. "What do they feel about this... miraculous balancing?"
Lucifer hadn't spoken to either of them since the weekend. But even he knew raising that point might land a bit poorly. "I will admit dear Octavia had some trouble with it," he allowed. "She'd prefer I return to Fandom. Rather loudly, actually."
"And why do you think that is?"
He shrugged lightly. "Octavia sees me as family," he said, "She has some abandonment trauma I do hope she's talking to her Linda about. She thinks I'm leaving her, which is, of course, preposterous."
"You did race to the other side of the country overnight," Linda pointed out.
"Yes, but I'm not dead, I'm just a phone call away," he said. "Honestly."
Linda sat up a little. "You say she sees you as family," she said. "What do you mean by that? Do you see her as family?"
"I..." Lucifer said thoughtfully, as he tried to think about it. "We have a great deal of things in common, and I'll admit, we became close. Not-- romantically or anything, though I'll admit that another threesome with her and her boyfriend is quickly becoming one of my pornographic white whales, so to speak. But as best friends." A pause. "In Octavia's mind, you're either one of us or you're one of them, and I have, apparently become 'us'. So I suppose this distance might seem rather unnatural to her."
Why was Linda sighing at him?
"That must have mattered to you. There aren't a great deal of people who know that you're the Devil and have still embraced you as part of their own."
"What do you mean by that?" he said, blinking.
"I've seen your face, and I enjoy our friendship," Linda said delicately, "But Chloe, who had treated you as one of her own, reacted rather poorly to it. She rejected you. There's Maze, who was made to serve you, and that was it before you left."
Lucifer frowned. "You don't have to make it sound so depressing, Doctor," he said. "I've been fine, thank you. Besides, neither she nor her lovable oaf of a boyfriend have actually seen my face. Nor does the fact I'm the Devil mean as much to them, especially her, because of the whole--"
"Alternate universe thing, yes, I'm trying not to think about that too hard, thank you."
"So it's not really the same, is it?" he said.
A short pause.
"It's not really real. It's-- a vacation."
"So acceptance is only real to you if it comes from someone who was originally predisposed to hate you, because of religion?" Linda said, frowning. "How does that even work?"
Lucifer sighed. "It's like one of those safe spaces the Millennials keep talking about," he said. "The island. You go in as yourself, and you find out most people don't know or care, and some of them have done things you recognize in yourself as well. And it pulls you in. And suddenly you're turning up at a rust bucket in the middle of the night because you felt lonely and this impossible woman invites you to spend a night as one of her people, and you wake up feeling safe, which is bloody preposterous, and her bloody irritatingly charming seafaring disaster of a lesser half is making you waffles."
A pause. "But it's only happening because none of them actually have to accept what you are. They can ignore it."
"Isn't that what you want?" Linda asked gently. "For people to accept you as a who, not a what?"
Lucifer's turn to sink back in his couch. "No, this is more real," he said. "I've just got to go back to being not just who, but also what I am, because otherwise--"
He cut himself off.
"Because otherwise what?" Linda prompted him, voice still gentle.
"--People get hurt," he said.
"Lucifer," Linda said, "Is that really a rational thought?"
"Yes," he said flatly.
"Which people are we even talking about?"
"You know, I came here because I wanted to close off our sessions gracefully," Lucifer said, "And recognize all you've done for me. But honestly, I needed that vacation to get my head on right, and now it's there, and I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. So that's it. Therapy finished. Congratulations to us both."
He got up off the couch.
Linda pressed her hand to her face. "Lucifer," she said. "It doesn't have to be all devils and angels. You deserve to feel safe, too. I'm afraid you're splitting up your life and your identity into pieces and depriving yourself of a chance to just be--"
"Integrating Eve into my working life, remember," Lucifer said glibly, and walked out the door.
As it slammed shut behind him, Dr. Linda Martin sighed. "I have missed these sessions," she said dryly.
[[ nfb, can be open for phone calls and so on. ]]