Lucifer's Mansion, Sunday Night

[my_own_advocate]

It had certainly been a complicated week, hadn't it? Luckily, it had ended before the weekend, and Lucifer, Duke and Octavia had had all Saturday to recover.

That didn't mean Lucifer hadn't been slightly surprised that Octavia was still game for date night. But he had grasped it with every bit of enthusiasm he could foster. And yes, that did mean dinner had featured a genuinely ridiculous amount of tropical fruit.

"Suppose I should've put a protein in there," he mused, settling back and eyeing his empty dessert bowl with satisfaction.

[[ for her and sp. eta: nsfw-bound... ish? ]]

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[okteiviakom]

Octavia had come back to herself just enough to wonder how much damage it would do to just get up and leave.

She didn't make the same risk assessment for responding to his loosening grip by slipping out of it entirely - which was what she actually did, returning to her original seat next to him. "Thanks for the massage," she murmured as she settled into a lean against his side. "It was nice."

She hoped it didn't sound (and feel) as stilted to him as it did to her.

[my_own_advocate]

Hurting her by going too far was one kind of pain, but disappointing her felt like one all its own.

"You're welcome," Lucifer said.

He certainly sounded like he could hear her stilted tone. He just didn't want to make things worse by calling it out.

He felt pathetic.

[okteiviakom]

And Octavia was beginning to feel embarrassed, so at least no one was having a good time.

She was just trying to fake her way into being relaxed, now. Or something. She didn't know.

[my_own_advocate]

It would be helpful if only she were willing to talk to him. But Lucifer's experiences with forcing it were... Mixed.

"Would you, ah, like a drink?"

[okteiviakom]

"Not really," Octavia murmured. "Thanks, though."

[my_own_advocate]

"Right," Lucifer said. A pause. "Well, I'm getting a drink. Please stay put."

That. Last one. Wasn't. Didn't mean anything really.

He was getting up.

[okteiviakom]

But leaving was just about the only thing Octavia wanted to do now, especially when he forced her to give up her crutch of a pretend-comfortable lean against him.

Because now she was just... sitting in it, feeling naked in all the wrong ways.

[my_own_advocate]

She looked miserable. It broke his heart a bit.

Enough to make Lucifer yank his one foot back into the tub and sit back down.

[okteiviakom]

That didn't make Octavia look any less miserable.

She just had her hands awkwardly in her lap, and an increasingly uncomfortable feeling in her chest.

[my_own_advocate]

"I don't know what to do right now," Lucifer said, staring at the skyline. "But I couldn't push that any further because we haven't talked about it and I am frankly terrified of hurting you."

[okteiviakom]

Deflating further, Octavia looked down at her hands - or, towards them, at least.

The embarrassment (shame, really) wasn't going anywhere.

"Then why did you take me there in the first place?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Because I try not to question it when you get in the moment," Lucifer sighed. "Especially not when you're already-- off. But after a while there was nowhere left to go that felt right besides out."

[okteiviakom]

"Right," Octavia said, barely louder than a whisper.

Why did this feel like her own fault, somehow? Rationally, she knew there was no reason to blame anyone.

[my_own_advocate]

"No, not 'right', obviously," Lucifer said, a wave of frustration flowing through him. "Look, I'm sorry I messed it up, but you have to talk to me, or try to, not-- pretend everything is fine when it clearly isn't."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia looked up, finally. The movement of her head was sharp, but her expression... was just tired.

"And what if I'm ashamed, Lucifer? What then?"

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer turned his head and stared at her. "Why on Earth would you be ashamed?"

[okteiviakom]

"Because..."

Oh, was there supposed to be a clear, verbalizable answer to that question? Because Octavia was clearly stumbling.

"Because -- because it's hard coming out of that space. Especially with... nothing to show for it." The word she might have been looking for would have been 'catharsis', but, even smaller words were hard right now. "And it just, it just feels embarrassing, like you're waking up to finding out you've been making a fool of yourself in your sleep and someone's been watching you the entire time."

At which point in that had she started wrapping one arm around herself under the water? She wouldn't have been able to say.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's frown was still there. "You didn't make a fool of yourself," he said quietly. "I was right there with you."

[okteiviakom]

"I didn't feel like it at the end," Octavia muttered, looking away. "So... Embarrassing."

And so, ashamed.

"Feelings don't listen to reason."

[my_own_advocate]

"No," Lucifer allowed. "I just-- none of what you did was embarrassing to me."

It sounded inadequate as soon as he said it.

"But we've never done-- this, before, in a context that wasn't sexual. And yet you didn't seem to want that. So that left me..."

Floundering.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's voice was barely more than a faint mutter.

"Putting your hand between my legs seemed pretty sexual to me."

[my_own_advocate]

"Yes, and I could tell you weren't into it," Lucifer muttered.

[okteiviakom]

"See? Embarrassing," Octavia replied, now with a little more rasp. (At least she finally sounded like herself.) "'Cause I just thought you'd changed your mind."

Yes, there was an implication here that had to do with whether his 'could tell' was actually accurate.

[my_own_advocate]

"I hadn't," Lucifer said, blowing out a breath. "But you weren't really-- responding. And we'd started under rather different circumstances than usual, so I didn't... want to assume."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia gave a quiet sigh and let her head hang forward.

"Was I responding to anything else?" she muttered. "I just... I just wanted someone else to take the lead."