Lucifer's Mansion, Very Early Saturday Morning

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer came back from his shift at the bar - and subsequent trip to the hotel - in decidedly less grand spirits than that he'd started it. Morose Duke was never good, and morose Duke over-- whatever that incredible mess was...

It had Lucifer wishing Seivarden had been around for some distraction. He hadn't exactly been in the mood to pick up somebody new, especially not after Duke had told him everything.

At least sleep would probably do him good. He let out a sigh and turned the last corner towards his house, keys already in hand.

Wait. Was there someone sitting on the steps?

[[ for someone; CW for mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation ]]

Comments

[my_own_advocate]

"He said you pushed him to hurt you," Lucifer said. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out you were trying to get punishment."

Well, if it had been any of a number of other motivations, it would've probably soared over his head. But this one, Lucifer knew well.

[okteiviakom]

"It was an accident," Octavia said, the glass still hovering by her lips, her gaze downcast. Her voice hoarse. "At first."

[my_own_advocate]

"And then?" Lucifer asked. "You decided you liked the taste?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's voice went very quiet.

"Snapped."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer glanced down at the hand she wasn't using.

"Yes, I can see that."

[okteiviakom]

And the hand was pre-snapping, if he could believe it. Sort of.

Octavia was looking down, but not at her hand. Not at much of anything, really: her vision was blurring again.

The question caught in her throat a little. "Is he getting home okay?"

[my_own_advocate]

"He's somewhere safe, sleeping it off," Lucifer said. Watching her. "I made sure of it."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's nod was as shaky as the breath that followed.

"Good."

She used her bad hand to hastily wipe at one of her eyes. The knuckles stung again, but she barely noticed.

[my_own_advocate]

"Sit down, Octavia," Lucifer said.

The stern irritability in his face had given away to something tired and worried.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wanted to.

But that required moving. And she didn't.

[my_own_advocate]

"You need to rest," Lucifer said quietly.

[okteiviakom]

"I don't want to."

Didn't deserve to?

She was getting all of those mixed up and tangled up a lot, lately.

[my_own_advocate]

"So you'd rather keep loitering in my bedroom until you collapse?" Lucifer asked frankly. "You've plenty of time to atone for your misdeeds later. No need to rush."

[okteiviakom]

"Yes," Octavia ground out.

Look, she hadn't exactly set any kind of a precedent for making sane choices today.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer eyed her. Shook his head. Slammed back his drink.

"What did you do, Octavia?" he asked flatly. "You covered your guilt quite admirably in justifications and diversions. You humans always do."

So did he, but he had come this far avoiding that confrontation with himself and he was intent to keep going.

"But it's clearly squirming inside of you and propelling you to try to destroy both yourself and the people you care for most, so you might as well come clean about it now."

[okteiviakom]

There was a long moment where it looked like Octavia wasn't going to say anything. Her knuckles were white with the way she was gripping the empty glass, and her head was down. Strands of damp hair hanging down, obscuring her face.

Then, through gritted teeth, she spoke. "I led Wonkru as well as I could," she said. Every word sounded like it took effort - and like she resented that. "I made, and I enforced, the hard decisions, so that they wouldn't have to live with -- things that had to be done."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer set his glass down.

He poured another measure of scotch.

"Try again," he said, without looking at her.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wasn't looking at him, either.

"What do you want, Lucifer?" she asked. Still sounding -- forced. "What is this supposed to do?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I told you the secret to Hell, didn't I?" Lucifer asked lifting his glass. "I didn't scour the air looking for sinners to snap up. You lot came to Hell of your own accord. Because you felt guilty. Because you felt you needed to be punished."

He took a sip.

"You're putting yourself through Hell right now, and it certainly isn't 'because you did what you had to do'."

[okteiviakom]

And for the second time tonight, Octavia snapped.

"I was already queen of my own Hell, okay! Is that what you want to hear?"

She wouldn't have thought she had energy left for yelling at him like that. Guess she was wrong, because the words came out loud and angry, which was the shield she needed for actually looking up at him, now.

"I carried -- I carry everyone else's sins, on top of my own!"

[my_own_advocate]

"Better."

Lucifer was used to far worse than being screamed at. At least now he met her eyes.

"Makes you itch, doesn't it?" he asked, and surprised himself, strangely, by saying that. "Stacking sin upon sin until you're no longer certain which ones are actually yours?"

[okteiviakom]

"And no one else can tell the difference."

That was slightly more of a growl than it was any more yelling.

[my_own_advocate]

"They rarely do," Lucifer said. Watching her, now. "Can you?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's face looked oddly defiant. Probably because it had to. "Yes."

Problem was, that didn't help.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucky her. Lucifer couldn't, anymore.

"Then tell me which part you feel guilty for," Lucifer said. "Then have a drink and a lie down."