Lucifer's Mansion, Very Early Saturday Morning

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer came back from his shift at the bar - and subsequent trip to the hotel - in decidedly less grand spirits than that he'd started it. Morose Duke was never good, and morose Duke over-- whatever that incredible mess was...

It had Lucifer wishing Seivarden had been around for some distraction. He hadn't exactly been in the mood to pick up somebody new, especially not after Duke had told him everything.

At least sleep would probably do him good. He let out a sigh and turned the last corner towards his house, keys already in hand.

Wait. Was there someone sitting on the steps?

[[ for someone; CW for mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation ]]

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[my_own_advocate]

"Come," he said again, quietly.

And tugged her slowly towards the door.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's legs felt unsteady again. They hadn't even taken any of the damage, but all adrenaline had long since left her system, and she felt sapped of all energy.

Still, she moved with him. Her head hanging again.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer took her into the hallway. He hadn't been lying: the guest room was right around the corner, complete with queen bed (ha) and too-expensive sheets.

"It's yours for as long as you need it," he said, letting go of her hand once they crossed the treshold.

[okteiviakom]

Another unsteady nod.

"Okay." A tear rolled onto her cheek, obscured by her hair, but she didn't feel it. Her lip was aching again. She looked at the room.

It felt wrong, somehow. Too grand for someone who'd done what she had.

"Thanks."

[my_own_advocate]

It wasn't like Lucifer had a whipping closet full of thorns for her to sit in. He was kind of hoping never to do that sort of thing again, actually.

"Can you sit down?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was one of his, but not that degree.

Another swallow, another shuddery breath. Then, all her movement looking slightly robotic, she walked over to the bed. Sat down on the edge of it, gingerly, suddenly aware of bruises she hadnt checked for but could feel were there.

She looked up again.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sat down next to her. Gingerly. "You'll have to deal with what you did, my dear," he said frankly. "But not tonight."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia was already dealing with it.

Her voice was quiet, and just a little bit broken. "He's never going to forgive me."

[my_own_advocate]

"You did make a mess of it," Lucifer allowed, snaking a careful arm around her shoulders.

[okteiviakom]

"I didn't mean to," Octavia said, weakly. She of all people knew that didn't matter. It was just like she'd told Ilian all those years ago.

"But a sword doesn't care what you meant."

[my_own_advocate]

"No," Lucifer agreed quietly. "You may want to give him some space."

He leaned in to press a kiss to her temple.

Look, tonight was just-- a big bloody mess.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia let him, somehow.

More tears escaped. She shut her eyes tightly again. "I can't go home," she mumbled. "I know that."

Well, she'd had a good run of... what, two weeks?

[my_own_advocate]

"Not that particular home, no," Lucifer agreed. He leaned away a bit, considering her. "But you have places to stay."

[okteiviakom]

"Always had those," Octavia muttered, keeping her eyes closed.

She'd rarely had a home. At least one where she wasn't asked to be violent for the common good.

And now she'd brought violence with her onto the Rouge. Just like they'd done to Luna's rig before Praimfaya.

[my_own_advocate]

"It's better than trying to slip back into a skin you no longer fit."

[okteiviakom]

"Which one am I supposed to wear now?"

Her eyes opened. Red and wet and pleading as she looked over at him.

"I've been Skairipa, I've been Osleya, I've been Blodreina." Her voice broke on the last word. She pressed on anyway, her voice tight and small. "What's left?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I don't know," Lucifer said simply. "That's up to you, isn't it?"

[okteiviakom]

Octavia made a wounded noise and turned her head forward again, staring at nothing.

Trying to just breathe.

[my_own_advocate]

"You used to get upset with me if I gave you titles you hadn't chosen for yourself," Lucifer noted.

[okteiviakom]

"That was different," Octavia muttered.

If only because she had actually had a decent grasp on who she was, back then. Even if it hadn't always felt like that at the time.

[my_own_advocate]

"Seems like a better place to start than 'assassin' or 'champion' or 'queen'," Lucifer said.

[okteiviakom]

"I had to be all those things."

Which, yes, was the problem now. Nothing was forcing her anymore.

(Except the mess of guilt and rage she carried around with her.)

[my_own_advocate]

"And now you don't."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia let her head drop against her hands. Yes, even though it hurt one of them. At least the painkillers had kicked in, dulling everything a little bit.

"But I still am." She'd still been Blodreina kom Wonkru less than a month ago. "Tonight's proof."

[my_own_advocate]

"Tonight's proof of nothing but that you're currently a suicidal idiot fueled by guilt," Lucifer said dryly.