The Marina, Cat Island, Tuesday Night

[my_own_advocate]

They had traditions out here on Cat Island - or, well, ways to entertain the tourists that came through here week after week. Spirits had flowed freely well into the evening, and dances and costumes and all sorts of razzle dazzle had come through the diner and engulfed the docks in light.

But somewhere near the end of the evening, close to the big finale, three people wandered further and further away onto the beach. Lucifer, of course, was carrying a cooler in one hand, and his long, thin teal shirt hung loose and open around his body.

He was smiling a bit.

"I think we're almost far enough away," he said.

[[ for them ]]

Comments

[okteiviakom]

Well, at least her legs and feet still worked, even with the heavy lean, even with how fuzzy and pained her mind felt.

She moved with Lucifer.

[my_own_advocate]

And so slowly, one step at a time, Lucifer led her back along the beach. Duke became clearer with each step.

Closer.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke heard the scrunch of their feet in the sand getting closer. He took another long swig from the wine and set it aside again.

His face was angled their way, but he was looking at the sand.

(He didn't resent Octavia her feelings. Or at least, it wasn't only resentment. He ached for it. For that kind of freedom for himself.)

(He'd always wanted to be more like her.)

[okteiviakom]

Once they were only a handful of steps away, Octavia pushed away from Lucifer - and stumbled over to where she could sink down by Duke's side, facing him.

She gasped his name. It sounded strangled, because everything out of her mouth right now did.

(She looked a mess, no surprise there.)

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let her fall out of his arms. (He felt helpless, yes. But also like his part was-- well, it was done for now.)

He watched them.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't look at her again yet.

"I'm sorry I said you make yourself a victim," he said. Voice still quiet and spare. "That was cruel."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia's expression wobbled some more. Or wobbled again.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "For being so difficult. And because I find words so... hard. To find."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke let out a flat huff, not quite a laugh. "You're better at them than me."

'More precise', Lucifer had said. Not better. More precise.

"I just want you to talk to me," he said. "And I want to talk to you. Without . . . screwing it up all the time."

[okteiviakom]

"I know."

The words seemed to only barely make it out past her throat.

Also, she lifted up her arms, and tried to slide them around his shoulders - clearly braced for rejection the whole time.

[my_own_advocate]

Beside them, quietly, Lucifer lowered himself down until he was seated in the sand.

He stretched his legs out.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke didn't reject the embrace. He let it happen without relaxing, hand coming up shakily before finding a spot to rest on her back.

"You're allowed to express yourself."

That seemed really important to say out loud right now.

"I wish I could be . . . precise enough. For you."

[okteiviakom]

While her arms wound themselves tight around him, Octavia pressed her face against his shoulder. (And his shoulder was about to be wet.)

"I'm sorry I can't seem to control it," she said, close to a whisper. Strained. "I tried, I really tried, but I'd been... holding on for too long --"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke shook his head, hanging onto her a little harder in return.

"I don't want you to have to hold on. But I can't get everything right all the time."

He let out a slightly broken laugh.

"You want me to ask things. Not assume. But it feels like you're always assuming the worst of me." He pulled back, trying to look at her face. "Is that still all in my head?"

Lucifer had said something about it too, this time, though. He was pretty sure of that, at least.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia remained probably not in the best state to give the most coherent answers, considering she still sounded about two steps away from hyperventilating.

But she was trying.

Also yes, her face was tear-streaked. "I don't think I do," she said, "but, there's just, you've said things. In our fights. That are hard to forget."

[betterthanaplan]

"What things?" Duke asked. Croaked, maybe. His face wasn't entirely dry, either.

(He'd 'said things'. Of course he said things. He always said things. Usually half of it was babble to try and fill space while he tried to find the things he actually wanted to say.)

[okteiviakom]

"About me," Octavia whispered, hoarse. "About how I say things. Do things."

She wasn't exactly revealing anything new, considering the earlier parts of the current mess.

"How it feels."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke did his best not to hear that as a criticism. As him being wrong for asking for what he needed.

(He might have been wrong about how he asked. His own use of the word 'victim' echoed in his head.)

"You've said things to me, too," he said, rather than try to apologize for things he wasn't sure of. "Things that echo in my head." Some of which had been echoing for years, now. "Things that I get . . . defensive about."

[okteiviakom]

"I probably didn't mean for them to... stay around like that," Octavia murmured. Her eyes were brimming over again. It didn't take much, right now. "I hope I didn't."

[betterthanaplan]

"Yeah." Duke's lip quirked. More of a smile than it had been last time he aimed that expression at her. "Neither do I."

They both needed to learn how to let some of what the other person said and did go. Not take it as personally.

[okteiviakom]

"But it means you know why it's hard," Octavia murmured. "To ignore."

[betterthanaplan]

“I do,” Duke said. “It’s hard. But it’s also worth it.”

[okteiviakom]

"I'm worried," Octavia admitted, and oh, her voice was little more than a broken whisper again. "What if it's too hard?"

What if they lost all of this.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke wanted to tell her it wouldn’t be. He wanted to be able to promise.

He couldn’t set himself up to break more promises to her.

“I’m worried about that, too,” he admitted. “I think it would be really bad. For all of us.” He shook his head a tiny bit. “But that’s why we’re going to keep trying.”

[okteiviakom]

Octavia wouldn't have believed him even if he had tried to promise, anyway.

She swallowed.

More tears escaped onto her cheeks.

[betterthanaplan]

They were on the same page there, at least.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” he said softly. “We just need to figure out how to be afraid and keep trying anyway,”