my_own_advocate | Deck of the Cape Rouge, Sunday Afternoon

Octavia, of course, had woken up hours ago. And in equally 'of course' news, she'd been on one of her long, aimless walks around the island. Trying to beat restlessness down with movement. Get some fresh air in her lungs while she was at it.

(She'd gone through the school grounds on her way back towards the port, this time. The preserve right there in the distance.

Calling to her.)

The weather was nice enough. She wasn't surprised to see one of them up on deck when she got back. "Look who woke up," she called as she stepped over the gangplank.

"And look who's been up since sunrise," Lucifer returned, smiling. He lifted his mug. "Would you like some coffee?"

Octavia shrugged one shoulder as she made her way closer. "Sure?"

It was coffee, not a topic she necessarily had the strongest opinions on even on the best of days.

"All right, just a moment," Lucifer said.

And promptly vanished back into the galley, reappearing moments later with a fresh cup. "There you are."

"I... could've got that myself," Octavia said.

... Well, she'd said 'I --' when he first took off. She said the whole thing when he got back, and she was reaching out for the cup.

"But thanks."

"Right, but why would you?" Lucifer asked, sitting back down. "I'm right here."

"Because you're not my servant." Well, he'd asked. "And I have working legs."

Regardless, she took a big sip.

Lucifer blinked, sipping his own coffee. "I didn't realize I had to be your servant in a non-kinky capacity in order to get you coffee," he said.

"I didn't mean it like that," Octavia replied, looking down at the cup and shrugging again. "Just that you don't have to drop everything to get me coffee from inside. It's fine."

"Yes, I know." Lucifer's eyes did something comical as he tried to parse that comment. "I offered," he pointed out.

"I didn't know what I was agreeing to," Octavia pointed out, like she couldn't help herself. In fact, she seemed to catch herself right after, and put her hand on his shoulder. Gave it a little rub. "It's fine. I didn't mean to make it into a big deal."

Much like with Duke the day before, he seemed a lot... lighter, than he had for a while.

And she didn't want to be fucking that up for him.

"It's good coffee. Mochof."

"You're welcome."

Lucifer would be lying if he said he wasn't a touch thrown by the entire exchange, but he was firmly dedicated to pushing that feeling aside. "Please, sit. I was just considering options for our dinner tonight."

Octavia pulled her hand back, and took a seat next to him.

"Options?"

More prompt than a question.

(Pushing a few things aside, herself.)

"I find myself in the mood to do something fruity yet savory tonight," Lucifer said. "The question is, do I lean Middle Eastern? Indian? Or contemporary Western? I'd ask you if you had any preference, but..."

"I don't," Octavia confirmed, managing to produce a wry note, over the edge of her cup. "I heard fruity, it's fine."

"I'm glad I haven't miscalculated there," Lucifer teased. He sipped his coffee. "How was your walk?"

"Uneventful," Octavia replied, on another tiny shrug. ('Uneventful', as things tended to be when you didn't let yourself go places.) "Wasn't that much more lively in town than it was yesterday, even though the people from the school are back."

"I imagine they came home and decided to stretch that lovely vacation feeling a day longer," Lucifer mused, contemplating the boardwalk. "Almost makes me feel as if I am depriving us all by not teaching any longer."

He'd hated it, but that had been years ago.

And here came Octavia's confused frown. Getting the most genuine reactions out of her lately really had a lot to do with surprise, didn't it?

"You taught?"

"My first semester here," Lucifer agreed. "Wasn't... entirely my style at the time. But who knows, perhaps I've found an appetite for molding young minds?"

Unlikely.

"I... doubt it," Octavia hazarded. "Even if I think the 'young minds' have been getting older."

"I suppose we don't need free vacations," Lucifer mused. "Still. One does get a touch jealous, this time of year."

"Why?" Octavia asked. "You have the money to go wherever and whenever you want."

"Well, yes. But it's not a fully-funded school trip somewhere we wouldn't think to go by ourselves."

Lucifer considered it.

"...And we haven't gone anywhere by ourselves in some time."

"Well, we haven't wanted to," Octavia said, resisting the urge to shrug again, "so..."

So, they hadn't.

"It would be nice," Lucifer said. Sip. "...If we got back to wanting to."

"Duke would like it."

Sip.

"And you wouldn't," Lucifer took from that.

"I'll go wherever you want to go," Octavia returned, lightly. Ish. This was Octavia, after all.

(An Octavia who was trying.)

"Well, that's an answer to a different question," Lucifer pointed out.

"I didn't say I wouldn't like it," Octavia pointed out in return, easily enough. "I think I'm just probably more picky than he is."

And oh, look. He was eyeing her again.

"Darling," Lucifer said, and sipped his coffee, "I'm a bit better at this game than you are, you know."

There was the tiniest shift in Octavia's expression. A flattening, in parts. "I'm not playing."

No, she was fighting for her life, and clearly failing, now.

"No, you're dodging, equivocating, and twisting around the point," Lucifer noted, lowering his coffee. "I can go back to not pointing it out and giving you space if you prefer, but honestly. I practically invented all three of those verbs."

Weird how fast something tired could creep into her features, wasn't it? "What was the point, Lucifer?"

She took a sip. It didn't look natural.

"In this specific case, your not being in the mood for a vacation," Lucifer said, and reached for the Bailey's to add an extra shot to his own mug. "In a more general sense, I haven't the foggiest, but I promise you I will continue to wait until you're willing to expand on it."

"Did you ask me that?"

Goddammit, she'd tried so had to keep her voice from going flat.

"Ask you what particular thing?" Lucifer asked.

And took a swig of Bailey's, while he was at it.

"If I was in the mood for a vacation."

She wasn't touching the rest. But she was also looking away now, towards the boardwalk, away from the Bailey's and the guilt it brought with it.

"I could be," Octavia forced herself to continue. Her tone didn't hit much outside of mildness, but at least there were words. "See someplace else to take walks in."

Edited 2024-10-27 13:38 (UTC)

Lucifer sighed.

"When I said it'd be nice if we could all get into the mood for one again, you said Duke would like one," he pointed out. "Whereas I meant all of us."

He put the bottle down.

"I said Duke because aside from whatever anyone wants, I think he could use one," Octavia replied, only barely waiting long enough for him to finish. "I think... it would make him happy."

Boardwalk, so interesting.

She took another sip.

"I know you two have been working things out," she added. Softer, or at least more quiet. "It could keep the ball rolling on that."

"I suppose."

Octavia just seemed so ever so subtly off lately. And it was going on for long enough that even his unshakeable faith that she'd talk to him eventually if she needed it was... getting a touch shakey.

"But I believe that ball will continue rolling regardless."

"Well," Octavia said. "Good."

Guess they didn't need to talk about a vacation, then. See how that worked out?

This time, the sip was a much longer one.

"How has it been?"

Not doing a great deal of work to convince Lucifer you wouldn't mind one, Octavia. Though he let it go, for now.

"Duke and I?" he asked. "Well, so far, between all the talking and the sex."

"Sounds about right," Octavia replied, finding a little bit of her usual rasp again. "I'm glad."

That part? 100% right from the heart honest.

It sounded it, to boot.

"There were some conversations we hadn't had that we should have, a long time ago," Lucifer said. "In part his fault for... not raising them again. In part mine, as he didn't know how important it was to me."

He sipped his coffee thoughtfully.

"We're not there yet, wherever 'there' is," he said. "But I believe at least the hurt feelings have fallen from our eyes, which makes it much easier to find each other."

"Good," Octavia said again. She didn't quite look over at him again, but her gaze was sliding away from the view and... closer, again.

His knee seemed like an okay enough compromise.

"I think it scared me." Now her voice really was soft. "How you both blew up."

(That much she could see. How it had contributed to everything else she'd been feeling in the past few weeks, not so much.)

"I'm sorry," Lucifer said quietly. "You shouldn't have had to see that."

"I didn't," Octavia replied, just as quietly. "I waited until the yelling was over."

As if that had made any real difference.

"You heard it," Lucifer pointed out.

He twisted the mug around in his hands. Looked at it.

"I didn't mean to endanger your safe space."

"This our home," Octavia replied.

She didn't put any stress on the 'our'. But there was an implication of it all the same.

"Yes," Lucifer agreed.

He sipped his coffee. Thinking.

"So if you're gonna have a screaming match, you might as well have it here," Octavia concluded, on a little sigh, oblivious to whatever he was thinking.

She raised her own cup for another sip. There weren't many left.

Lucifer let out a soft sigh.

"Octavia," he said. "I made you feel unsafe by 'having a screaming match' in our home. And I am deeply sorry."

"I've probably done worse in our home," Octavia murmured.

She'd been looking at his knee this entire time. Now, she slid her free hand onto his leg.

Palm up, an offer.

And Lucifer took it without hesitation, settling his hand on hers. "Doesn't matter," he murmured. "I want our home to continue feeling like our home."

"Well, you two patching shit up should help," Octavia replied, her thumb rubbing his hand as soon as it settled. "That's all I really want."

Inside their home, anyway.

Lucifer gripped her hand tightly. And then raised it, pressing a kiss to the back of hers.

"We are fixing it," he promised.

Octavia watched him do it.

And her voice sounded just a little more shaky, as she said, "Good."

"But I do want to make sure we don't neglect you, either," Lucifer said softly. "So I plan to pamper you tonight, if you'll let me."

There was a brief, odd pause.

And then.

"... It's Sunday."

"Yes."

Good luck trying to read whatever this look was that Octavia had on her face when she finally looked at him properly again.

Soft, but apprehensive, but lost.

Searching.

And predictably, Lucifer didn't know how to read it.

"Octavia?" he tried.

Maybe there was something sad in there, too. Conflicted?

Helpless.

It was a mess and she looked like she might cry, was what it was.

"I --"

Lucifer reached up to cup her cheek, reflexively.

"... Only if you want to, of course."

Well, Octavia didn't pull away from it, so that was probably a good sign.

She inhaled. Even with that, her voice sounded as strained as it was quiet: "You want to have date night?"

Why the fuck would he not want to, Tavi?

... Yes, that was not the response Lucifer had anticipated. Not in any universe.

"Of course I do," he said, appalled at the very idea of not wanting to. "Always."

"Oh," Octavia said, very small, like there was something to be surprised about in his reaction, when there wasn't. Give her five to ten minutes to process, and she was going to see what an embarrassingly needless question and a worry that had been.

"I just --" she tried. "You and him --"

Maybe it was already starting to seep in.

"Are having our own date nights now, because we should have had them all along," Lucifer said. He brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. "You and I don't have the same cracks he and I do because we work hard to maintain what we have. I'm merely rectifying the mistake of not extending that to Duke, as well."

His expression softened.

"But I will always want our nights as well, Σελήνη."

Using that name was just unfair - or the most right thing he could possibly have done. Depending on your point of view.

Could he tell Octavia had been putting herself under a lot of pressure lately? Because her breath caught, and then there were just tears.

"Oh," Lucifer said quietly.

And then tugged her into his arms.

The mostly empty cup got shoved haphazardly aside.

Octavia didn't fight the tugging. She went into it like a ragdoll, if anything. (Sobbing, despite her best efforts.)

"It's all right," Lucifer whispered, hoping she wouldn't hear the hint of helplessness in his voice. He held her close, sliding his hand up her back. "It's all right."

Maybe helplessness was just natural.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Octavia was supposed to be stable, solid, able to just take things, whatever came her way. Be osleya again. Wasn't that what was needed of her?

But she was crying helplessly against Lucifer's shoulder instead, her arms winding their way around him to cling.

No. No, it wasn't needed of her.

They just needed Octavia. Lucifer just needed Octavia.

And this felt more like her than she had in weeks. So he held her. Murmured, maybe, a soft, "Ai Okteivia," into her ear.

Definitely didn't make the clinging lessen any.

And somewhere in between the sobbing Octavia managed a gasp of, "Skaifaya."

Because this was probably the most Octavia she'd been in weeks.

Lucifer's fingers slid soothingly up and down along her spine, over the fabric of her shirt.

"I'm here."

Octavia tried to take a few deeper breaths, to calm her body down a little, and was mostly successful.

Even if that meant that some clarity regarding the situation was beginning to seep in.

She shuddered.

Lucifer's arms tightened around her in response. "That's it," he said softly. "Breathe."

He'd ask questions later.

A lot later, preferably?

Octavia's face burned, for reasons she had not yet processed. But she breathed. Slowly in through the nose. Out through the mouth.

As always.

However much later until she seemed like she was in a frame of mind to answer them again.

Lucifer let his breathing fall into the rhythm of hers.

In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

It soothed Octavia much more than she could have said, the way she felt the rise and fall of their chests syncing up. Helped her find a slow rhythm, too. And to ease some of the desperation out of her clinging.

Her shoulders had stopped shaking, and the sobs had ceased.

Good. Good. Something unclenched in Lucifer's chest, too, though he was too afraid to break the silence to voice that.

He just... kept. Going. Waiting. Listening to her breathe, to her settling.

Octavia kept just focusing on her breathing for a long moment more. But the calmer her body got, the more her thoughts all came back to her. Some clearer than before, though that made some of them kind of painful.

Her cheeks felt too warm.

"I'm sorry I thought you didn't want to," she told him, very, very quietly. Her voice sounded like... Well, like she'd been crying her eyes out. No surprise there. "That was stupid."

And it wasn't even the only thing.

"It's all right," Lucifer murmured.

His hand finally slid up, into her hair. "I'm glad I could at least disabuse you of that thought."

"I..." Octavia started, then hesitated.

But she was already feeling embarrassed, so what was one more thing?

"I almost dropped by the house yesterday," she muttered. "Thought I'd take a bath, maybe. But I -- I couldn't make myself go in. Into the house."

Lucifer-- well, he wasn't sure how to react to that.

"Why not?" he asked. "You know you're always more than welcome to."

Just like she knew he would always want date nights with her?

"Didn't feel... mine. My place."

More in the figurative sense, but it was hard for her to put into words. What with the shame now that some of her thoughts had cleared.

"But it is."

Duke and Octavia were going to give him a complex, with how odd they were about his house, honestly.

"It's ours."

Hey now, Octavia had been fully aware of her rights with the house for years, and had taken occasional advantage of that. This had just been... a bad blip.

Hence:

"I know. But I felt like, with the date nights..."

She didn't actually want to finish that thought out loud, so she hoped he could infer enough from her trailing off.

Lucifer's hands found their way to her face eventually, cupping both her cheeks as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"You will always be just as important as Duke," he said. "And just as welcome."

Was it too much? She seemed less caught up in the thought than she'd been a few minutes ago, but...

"It's not a competition," Octavia objected, obviously not to argue with him but to say she knew that. "I just.. thought maybe I got replaced, I know, it's stupid and I don't know why."

She said the back half of that very fast, with her voice getting a little strained towards the end.

Like she was sorry.

Edited 2024-10-27 17:29 (UTC)

Lucifer nodded slowly.

His fingers kept moving through her hair.

"I understand," he said. "... What happened, I mean. Why is a mystery to me, as well."

Octavia did not offer up any of her theories out loud.

She just squeezed her eyes shut and drew in another big breath.

Lucifer waited a moment longer.

Then, when no theories were forthcoming: "I'll take that as a 'yes' to date night tonight."

"Yeah," Octavia breathed. "I think I need it."

And was still in an emotionally fragile enough of a headspace to admit it.

Lucifer filed away the 'I showed Duke the frame room' discussion for a less-fraught moment, close as it was to his mind.

"Anything, darling," he said softly.

Another breath.

"Right now," Octavia said, "I think I need to... cool down for a while."

Clean up her face, probably, too.

"Cool down how?" Lucifer asked. "Unless you mean a shower."

"Emotionally," Octavia said, and managed the slightest hint of something wry.

"Ah," Lucifer said. Definitely wry. "I'd suggest a walk, but you've already had one."

Octavia shrugged. Let her head rest against his shoulder again, not intending to linger.

"Maybe I'll read for a bit or something," she said. "You're still at breakfast. There's time before... date night."

"There is," Lucifer said.

He turned his head and pressed a kiss against her temple. "Take as much time as you need."

"Chof," Octavia murmured. She lingered, just for a few more breaths, then began to pull away. "Right, I'll go."

Her eyes were still kind of red, her face a little puffy. That was going to be the first order of business.

Lucifer nodded. Though he didn't let her run off without kissing her forehead at least once.

Then he dropped his hands.

Octavia let her hand brush along his side as she pulled back. She picked up her cup, then got up.

Then gave him one last look.

"Keep the dinner simple?"

Something in Lucifer's breath relaxed, and it ended in a long breath.

"As you wish."

Octavia flicked him a ghost of a smile, and a little nod. Thanks, maybe?

And then, she went and vanished below decks in the hopes of righting her mind a little more.

And Lucifer... slid his phone out of his pocket and started browsing through recipes. Simple-- a curry, perhaps?

Deck of the Cape Rouge, Sunday Afternoon

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