The OceaNyx, Somewhere At Sea, Sunday

[my_own_advocate]

There had been a brief moment at port to restock their increasingly-full pantry, but otherwise, the OceaNyx had been at sea (or at uninhabited bay) for the past few days, allowing its inhabitants to find some kind of peace. It had been helpful, at least for Lucifer, whose strong emotions towards both of his partners - anger, for Duke, worry, for Octavia - had finally settled back down. Allowing him to be in the moment.

Admittedly, 'the moment' involved a lot of cooking in the ship's incredibly tiny kitchen - how he'd managed to wrench that many cookies out of that oven was anyone's guess - but still.

It was a nice day. The climate was certainly growing warmer, as they moved further south. And so Lucifer eventually exited the kitchen to find a spot on some cushions near the back, enjoying the sight of the wind in the ship's sails, the way it bent slightly sideways as it made speed, the sound of the bow cutting through the water.

Why couldn't it be like this all the time?

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Comments

[okteiviakom]

"Someone should," Octavia muttered.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer snorted softly. "Is that a criticism?"

[okteiviakom]

"Someone should notice," Octavia clarified.

Softer and quieter.

[my_own_advocate]

"Ah."

Lucifer pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "This is part of what I meant by trusting you," he said, softer. "I know how hard you try. Even when your instincts tell you otherwise."

[okteiviakom]

"I don't really have anything else I can do," Octavia admitted. It felt like admitting something, anyway. "So I have to cling even harder to the small stuff."

She swallowed.

"And it doesn't always feel like enough."

Understatement, as they'd already seen.

[my_own_advocate]

"I can't tell you what enough is," Lucifer said.

He squeezed her fingers again, wanting to steady her, somehow.

"But I can tell you that without your small things, I may well have lost my mind ages ago."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia squeezed his hand back.

"Mochof," she said, for all of it. Even though he was saying she'd done something. Continued to do something.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer smiled back at her.

"I love you."

[okteiviakom]

"I know."

It wasn't cocky or smug.

Just soft.

[my_own_advocate]

"I suppose I do say it a lot," Lucifer said, smile widening.

[okteiviakom]

"It's not why I know."

Although it helped.

[my_own_advocate]

"Mm," Lucifer said. His expression softened. "I'm glad to hear that."

[okteiviakom]

"I haven't been with you this long not to know," Octavia murmured. "I don't think I would... worry as much."

About letting him down.

[my_own_advocate]

"... Why would you worry?" Lucifer asked, blinking. "About what?"

[okteiviakom]

"... About failing you."

It probably really said something about how little she had to worry about it that she even had to clarify.

[my_own_advocate]

Yeah. Lucifer blinked.

"I'm not sure how you could," he said slowly. "Bar deciding to leave my life."

[okteiviakom]

"Well, I thought not managing to protect Duke could be enough."

As they'd already covered.

[my_own_advocate]

"My feelings for you are not contingent on what you do for anyone else," Lucifer said softly. "Not even Duke."

[okteiviakom]

Octavia shook her head, just a little. "Panic doesn't listen to reason," she muttered. "Especially when... I could also see the reason in considering it failure."

[my_own_advocate]

"Let me rephrase, then," Lucifer murmured. "Please don't do this to you on my account. You are enough for me."

[okteiviakom]

"I guess it just... wasn't always like that for me," Octavia hazarded, slowly and quietly. "My worth didn't work like that."

Yet more to talk to her therapist about.

Eventually.

[my_own_advocate]

"How did it work?" Lucifer asked gently.

[okteiviakom]

Octavia looked down towards her lap.

"If I cared for other people no matter what it did to me, I had worth." It was a simplification, but it wasn't incorrect. "And if I failed..."

[my_own_advocate]

"There was something wrong with you?" Lucifer guessed.

[okteiviakom]

And Octavia shook her head. Went almost wry.

"I had no worth at all."