my_own_advocate: (lucifer - hot tub smile)
Lucifer Morningstar ([personal profile] my_own_advocate) wrote2024-04-28 10:27 am

The OceaNyx, Somewhere At Sea, Sunday

There had been a brief moment at port to restock their increasingly-full pantry, but otherwise, the OceaNyx had been at sea (or at uninhabited bay) for the past few days, allowing its inhabitants to find some kind of peace. It had been helpful, at least for Lucifer, whose strong emotions towards both of his partners - anger, for Duke, worry, for Octavia - had finally settled back down. Allowing him to be in the moment.

Admittedly, 'the moment' involved a lot of cooking in the ship's incredibly tiny kitchen - how he'd managed to wrench that many cookies out of that oven was anyone's guess - but still.

It was a nice day. The climate was certainly growing warmer, as they moved further south. And so Lucifer eventually exited the kitchen to find a spot on some cushions near the back, enjoying the sight of the wind in the ship's sails, the way it bent slightly sideways as it made speed, the sound of the bow cutting through the water.

Why couldn't it be like this all the time?

[[ open ]]
okteiviakom: ([neu blodreina] mmmmhmmmmmm)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 11:45 am (UTC)(link)
Even Octavia seemed to be settling a little. Still mostly quiet (well, even more than usual), still worried about every particularly uncomfortable moment Duke experienced, still...

Okay, maybe she was repressing a little (or a lot) of her feelings about several facets of the Haven ordeal. But at least she'd gone back to taking her meds consistently?

She'd been near the front of the boat for a bit. Now she wandered back. "Baking's done for now?"
okteiviakom: ([neu] hope)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 12:20 pm (UTC)(link)
How many times could she tell him 'fine' before it turned into a thing?

"Fine."

Guess she wanted to find out.

"Did you bring any cookies out?"
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am always right)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 12:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia didn't hesitate to reach for it, or to reach into it.

Maybe this taste test was important. She certainly seemed to act like it was.
okteiviakom: ([neu] shower fresh)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 01:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia seemed not to really notice. She picked up her cookie, and bit off about half.

Chewed thoughtfully, tasting the flavors. Finding both the berry and the nut, so to speak.
okteiviakom: ([neu] a change of scene)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 01:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Finally, Octavia swallowed.

"That's really nice," she murmured, turning her gaze to meet his.
okteiviakom: ([pos] downwardly amused maybe)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 01:17 pm (UTC)(link)
"You pretty rarely get cookies wrong," Octavia said.

And on a whim, leaned over to drop a little kiss in his hair.
Edited 2024-04-28 13:17 (UTC)
okteiviakom: ([pos] downwardly amused maybe)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 01:50 pm (UTC)(link)
"You did," Octavia confirmed, as she straightened up again.

And went to finish her cookie. Not quite as thoroughly, but still with great appreciation.
okteiviakom: ([neu] hope)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Running away, too.

Which had Octavia watching the water again while she chewed.
okteiviakom: ([neu] so so so tired)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Was there another word he would have rather used about the way they'd taken off to avoid whatever weird thing Fandom was currently doing?

Octavia was just watching the water. After a little while, she closed her eyes and tried to just feel, instead.
okteiviakom: ([neu] good hair day)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia covered his hand with hers. Made that part of everything else she was feeling: the sun, the breeze, the sway of the boat under her feet.

Air in and out of her lungs.
okteiviakom: ([neu] so so so tired)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 05:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia wasn't looking at anything except the backs of her eyelids, no, but at least she felt his presence right now. Another little grounding thing.

As she took several controlled, slow breaths.
okteiviakom: ([neu blodreina] mmmmhmmmmmm)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 06:37 pm (UTC)(link)
It was smart. Octavia was just trying to take a moment to quiet down the insistent noise in her head. Or at least some of it.

It halfway worked.

And she opened her eyes again. And finally sat down next to him.
okteiviakom: ([neu] new dawn fades)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 06:41 pm (UTC)(link)
"Ha yun," Octavia replied, quietly.

Watching his face, just for the moment.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia tilted her face into it just a little, like she so often did.

Soft, gentle.
okteiviakom: ([spec] hey kissy)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)
So he beat her to it.

And that was fine, because she could respond in kind, soft and gentle and slow.
okteiviakom: ([spec] midnight kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:20 pm (UTC)(link)
What else did they have out here?

Octavia's hand slid onto his shoulder. Settled, lightly.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh.

Octavia gave a very soft sigh.
okteiviakom: ([spec] emotional intimacy)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh.

"Ai hod yu in seintaim," Octavia murmured back. "Skaifaya."
okteiviakom: ([spec] this is the moment)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Both of Octavia's hands crept to the back of his neck.

Just holding him.

okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
It felt safe.

Octavia... gave a soft, slow sigh.

"I still feel awful," she admitted quietly.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"Because it doesn't go away just because people say there was nothing I could've done."
okteiviakom: ([spec] emotional intimacy)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm trying not to think about it so much," Octavia added, barely more than a whisper. "I know you don't... feel that way."
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am tired I am weary)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)
"No one would ask you to," Octavia murmured.
okteiviakom: ([neu] got cut)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)
"That has never stopped me before."

She was used to carrying these things by herself.
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-28 08:28 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm still learning," Octavia muttered. "I guess."
okteiviakom: ([neg] heavy heart)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 10:43 am (UTC)(link)
"I just didn't want this to happen."

Weird that something so obvious sounded so much like a confession.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 01:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia let her head rest against his shoulder, instead.

Gave a weak hum.
okteiviakom: ([neu] new patterns)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 01:51 pm (UTC)(link)
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Octavia muttered.
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am tired I am weary)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"If I have to start worrying about how you can help," Octavia replied, quiet and mild, "that's too many layers to this thing."
okteiviakom: ([neu] messes ahead)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"Don't put it on yourself, either."

Easier said than done, she knew.
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)
"Than helping him?" Octavia guessed, voice gone extra quiet.
okteiviakom: ([neu] something genuine)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)
"Oh," Octavia breathed.

It... wasn't great to hear.
okteiviakom: ([neg] heavy heart)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia fell quiet again. Drawn into her thoughts.

At least there was still the noise of the water.
okteiviakom: ([neu] hope)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
It startled Octavia into looking up at him.

"What?" she asked, as if she hadn't heard. (As if it didn't immediately bring back a sore memory.)
okteiviakom: ([neu] new dawn fades)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 05:32 pm (UTC)(link)
"Someone has to have your back," Octavia whispered, half realization, half just telling him she got it.
okteiviakom: ([neg] woe strikes)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
"But you're... you," Octavia tried.

(She knew that was why.)
okteiviakom: ([neu] i had a dream once)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm trying," Octavia promised, quietly. "I'm trying to stay where you need me."
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am tired I am weary)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
"But I've been falling apart."

Another mutter.
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
"That'd be dumb anyway," Octavia replied, trying for a wry tone.

Failing.

"I'm pretty sure I made an ass of myself at the club again --" Well, at least there was a grand tradition behind it. "-- and everything."
okteiviakom: ([neu] messes ahead)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't really remember all the details."

Wasn't sure she wanted to talk about all of the ones she did remember, either. Whether that was because they felt oddly private to her or because they felt embarrassing, even she couldn't have said for sure.

"But if Eric has any capacity to be concerned about me... He might be concerned about me."
okteiviakom: ([neu] yeah but like)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
"Mmh," Octavia hummed, as an acknowledgement. "So if you wondered how I made it home in one piece..." Because she'd come home absolutely trashed. "I am pretty sure he walked me all the way to the port."
Edited 2024-04-29 18:40 (UTC)
okteiviakom: ([neu] new dawn fades)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
"Well, I didn't fall in the ocean or flat on my face, so..."

Yes, that was something.
okteiviakom: ([neu] new dawn fades)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Some people's relationships with him didn't revolve around petty feuds, surprisingly enough.

"Good," Octavia replied, watching his face.
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
"A little."

That sounded like another confession.

"I think I needed to... release something." She was clearly still thinking about it as she spoke. Processing. "So I wouldn't explode on the boat instead."
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 07:39 pm (UTC)(link)
And now Octavia was looking towards the water again.

"If you have to name it, sure."
okteiviakom: ([neu] shower fresh)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-29 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia didn't turn her head again, but glanced over at him all the same.

"Always is."
okteiviakom: ([neu bel] kom bleikkru)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 08:15 am (UTC)(link)
"I just..."

She looked to the waves again, trailing off, if just for a brief moment before she found more words.

"I had a lot pent up that I couldn't really get out on the boat, with us living so closely on top of each other."
okteiviakom: ([neu] selene)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
"I don't feel like hurling myself over the side of this boat," Octavia replied, with a little bit of a rasp that was meant to be reaasuring, somehow, "so it must've done something."
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 09:00 am (UTC)(link)
"In some moments, not all the time."
okteiviakom: ([neu] messes ahead)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 09:24 am (UTC)(link)
Octavia gave a shrug.

Like, yes.
okteiviakom: ([neu] good hair day)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 09:40 am (UTC)(link)
Octavia shook her head.

"Being there was physical enough."
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 10:08 am (UTC)(link)
"I mean, I got tossed out of an imploding lighthouse, but..."

That was just Haven.
okteiviakom: ([neu] got cut)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 10:38 am (UTC)(link)
Octavia shrugged.

"Not really."
okteiviakom: ([neu] big breath)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)
"I had to cut my finger for Duke's trouble," Octavia added, after a pause, like an afterthought. "But even that's healed."
okteiviakom: ([neu blodreina] mmmmhmmmmmm)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)
"Mmh."

Well, what was there to say to that?
okteiviakom: ([spec] hands)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia let him.

Her fingers brushed against his.
okteiviakom: ([neu blodreina] mmmmhmmmmmm)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 04:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia hummed again. Gave his fingers a little squeeze.

"I made sure it wasn't going to be too bad."
okteiviakom: ([neu] messes ahead)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-04-30 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia shrugged one shoulder. Barely, as was her way.

"Just doing my best to... not make things worse." Sometimes in the smallest ways possible.
okteiviakom: ([neu] good hair day)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-01 10:39 am (UTC)(link)
"Someone should," Octavia muttered.
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-01 11:17 am (UTC)(link)
"Someone should notice," Octavia clarified.

Softer and quieter.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] head kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-01 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't really have anything else I can do," Octavia admitted. It felt like admitting something, anyway. "So I have to cling even harder to the small stuff."

She swallowed.

"And it doesn't always feel like enough."

Understatement, as they'd already seen.
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-01 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia squeezed his hand back.

"Mochof," she said, for all of it. Even though he was saying she'd done something. Continued to do something.
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-02 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"I know."

It wasn't cocky or smug.

Just soft.
okteiviakom: ([neu] new dawn fades)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-02 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
"It's not why I know."

Although it helped.
okteiviakom: ([neu] hope)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-02 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
"I haven't been with you this long not to know," Octavia murmured. "I don't think I would... worry as much."

About letting him down.
okteiviakom: ([neu] shower fresh)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
"... About failing you."

It probably really said something about how little she had to worry about it that she even had to clarify.
okteiviakom: ([neu] i had a dream once)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
"Well, I thought not managing to protect Duke could be enough."

As they'd already covered.
okteiviakom: ([neu] not again)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia shook her head, just a little. "Panic doesn't listen to reason," she muttered. "Especially when... I could also see the reason in considering it failure."
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am tired I am weary)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
"I guess it just... wasn't always like that for me," Octavia hazarded, slowly and quietly. "My worth didn't work like that."

Yet more to talk to her therapist about.

Eventually.
okteiviakom: ([neu] big breath)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia looked down towards her lap.

"If I cared for other people no matter what it did to me, I had worth." It was a simplification, but it wasn't incorrect. "And if I failed..."
okteiviakom: ([neu] I am tired I am weary)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-03 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
And Octavia shook her head. Went almost wry.

"I had no worth at all."
okteiviakom: ([neu] this face is unfair)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-04 07:38 am (UTC)(link)
"It's much easier to fall back to that than I thought," Octavia murmured. "If the stakes are high enough."
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-04 08:20 am (UTC)(link)
"Do you think Duke would be impressed he's as high stakes as the... fate of humanity?"

It wasn't a genuine question. More of a weak mumble of a questionable joke, if anything.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] head kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-04 11:23 am (UTC)(link)
Octavia just leaned more heavily against him.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-04 07:49 pm (UTC)(link)
"I wish to be."

Sometimes had a hard time believing it.
okteiviakom: ([spec] emotional intimacy)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-04 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
What it seemed to mostly do was make Octavia give in to the urge to fully embrace him back.

With the vibe that she would've curled up in his lap if it had been possible.
Edited 2024-05-05 08:10 (UTC)
okteiviakom: ([neu] got cut)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 08:39 am (UTC)(link)
"I'm trying," Octavia mumbled.

As far as promises went, it wasn't her best one.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 09:13 am (UTC)(link)
Octavia made a weak noise, like a protest.

As if she didn't also just lean into him more. She contained multitudes.
okteiviakom: ([neu] shower fresh)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 09:36 am (UTC)(link)
That did things. Inside Octavia's chest.

Her voice sounded tight.

"Can we... can we go just lay down for a while?"
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] head kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 10:27 am (UTC)(link)
It was a little awkward, getting up like that, but Octavia welcomed it.

It wasn't like she didn't want to keep clinging to him, anyway.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 10:49 am (UTC)(link)
And that part was much easier. Practically just falling over.

And then Octavia doing her best to curl up against him.
okteiviakom: ([spec] emotional intimacy)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
It wasn't that silly. Not to her, the woman trying to soak it all up.

Octavia just buried her face against his neck and breathed him in.
okteiviakom: ([neu] big breath)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 11:53 am (UTC)(link)
"You can't know that," Octavia murmured.

But Lucifer never lied. Which meant he believed it.

Which was the best anyone could ask for.

She exhaled an unsteady breath.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] head kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia responded by trying to get more entangled with him. All limbs.

"I know," she murmured. Again like an apology of somekind.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] good luck getting this close)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 03:56 pm (UTC)(link)
It was quite the octopus act. Just trying to press body to body.

She gave a quiet hum.
okteiviakom: ([spec linc] head kisses)

[personal profile] okteiviakom 2024-05-05 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Octavia had nothing else left to say, either.

Just further contact, and breathing with him, and being with him. And trying to find the calm in that.