my_own_advocate | Lucifer's Penthouse, Thursday

It had been days since Dad had announced His retirement and left. Lucifer supposed he should feel relieved by now, or elated. Dad was... vacating their lives for good. And there was no doubt who His successor would be: Amenadiel, who had trained for this for his entire long celestial life.

He could admit in the privacy of his own head that Amenadiel would make a far better God than their Father had ever been.

Not for the first time in the past... month? Had it been a month? Lucifer thought about how they should be headed home. To the Rouge, and its nostalgic sailor aesthetic that, again in the privacy of his own thoughts, Lucifer could admit he sort of missed.

Perhaps it was the matter of Daniel and his well-deserved revenge that kept his thoughts so messy and his feet firmly placed within the boundaries of Los Angeles county. That had to be it. No?

Lucifer poured himself another glass of scotch and leaned against the bar, contemplating the bottles. He did still like this apartment, he mused, so there was that.

[[ expecting one, but open for phone calls ]]

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"Hm," Lucifer said again.

He slung an arm around Duke and curled further into him. Thinking.

“I get it wrong all the time,” Duke said quietly. “I’ve hurt you and Octavia so many times. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

That acute feeling, that I'm incapable of love, had been ground down and dispersed into a general feeling of unworthiness over the past few weeks. It made it harder to attack that conviction in particular, because it was no longer vivid and acute and solitary.

If it had been, still, this might have broken that thought.

Now it was just one part of a confusing maelstrom of self-hating thoughts. They had always come so easy to him, under that big blanket of denial.

He pressed a kiss against Duke's neck.

"I don't deserve you," he said softly. "But I want to."

“Well,” Duke said, his hands shifting from stroking Lucifer’s hair to massaging his scalp. “That’s probably a good start.”

Lucifer let out a soft huff and pressed his face into Duke's chest.

He-- felt something, tight and warm and painful, and his arm curled up more to press Duke against him, in as much as it was even possible to get him closer.

Duke bent his dead forward to kiss Lucifer on top of his head.

“I got you, babe,” he said. “Even if you don’t think you deserve it.”

"I know," Lucifer said, voice soft. "You ridiculous do-gooder."

He sucked in a loud breath. "I just want to be able to return the favor."

“You think you haven’t?” Duke asked. “You pulled me out of the duck pond and dragged me home even while I was screaming someone else’s name.”

"I know, I just... I don't know if I've done enough," Lucifer said, staring at the few patches of Duke's skin he could see in his current position.

"It's not like that," Duke said. "You help me be a better me. All the time. And I try to do the same for you."

Lucifer let out a long, ragged sigh and shut his eyes. He wasn't sure if that was true, but he was too emotionally exhausted after the past few weeks to figure out whether he wanted to argue.

"Duke?" he asked quietly.

Duke massaged his head again. “Yeah, babe?”

"I need to see this through, but..." Lucifer hesitated.

He really shouldn't be asking for this.

"After, can we just go back to our boat?"

Duke couldn’t hide how he relaxed at that, not with Lucifer so close.

“Fuck yeah. I’d really like that.”

"All right," Lucifer said.

Very little made sense right now. Except for the boat.

The Rouge was good like that.

“Just let us know when you’re ready.”

Lucifer took a deep breath. "Once Dad's retired and Amenadiel has the reins," he murmured. "Unless He decides to take His bloody time, I suppose."

“If he does, I swear to —“ Duke bit back a laugh. “Your dad makes me rethink some of my favorite phrases.”

"Imagine what it's been like for me hearing you humans moan 'oh god' in bed," Lucifer bemoaned.

He brushed a kiss against the center of Duke's chest.

Duke shuddered theatrically. “Well, I promise to try to only moan your name if I feel like thanking a celestial from now on.”

"Thank you," Lucifer said, and stretched up just a bit to kiss Duke properly.

By which he meant slowly, and full of gratitude.

“Which Duke returned in kind, running his hands in slow circles along Lucifer’s spine.

"I say we stay in bed a little while longer," Lucifer murmured.

He felt a little less broken, and he was terrified of losing that feeling if he left the bed.

“I can stay as long as you need.”

Lucifer made an amused noise. It was soft, but noticable. "Oh, so you can take it or leave it," he teased, brushing another kiss against Duke's mouth.

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