Lucifer's Penthouse, Thursday

[my_own_advocate]

It had been days since Dad had announced His retirement and left. Lucifer supposed he should feel relieved by now, or elated. Dad was... vacating their lives for good. And there was no doubt who His successor would be: Amenadiel, who had trained for this for his entire long celestial life.

He could admit in the privacy of his own head that Amenadiel would make a far better God than their Father had ever been.

Not for the first time in the past... month? Had it been a month? Lucifer thought about how they should be headed home. To the Rouge, and its nostalgic sailor aesthetic that, again in the privacy of his own thoughts, Lucifer could admit he sort of missed.

Perhaps it was the matter of Daniel and his well-deserved revenge that kept his thoughts so messy and his feet firmly placed within the boundaries of Los Angeles county. That had to be it. No?

Lucifer poured himself another glass of scotch and leaned against the bar, contemplating the bottles. He did still like this apartment, he mused, so there was that.

[[ expecting one, but open for phone calls ]]

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[betterthanaplan]

Duke looked at him, silently waiting.

[my_own_advocate]

"My brother Uriel came to Earth a number of years ago, when Mum was around," Lucifer said, staring up at the ceiling. "He thought he was supposed to-- deal with her. So he brought the only weapon that can kill a celestial, he found me, threatened to kill the Detective if I didn't hand over mum..."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke frowned. He suspected he had an idea where this was going and sincerely hoped he was wrong.

[my_own_advocate]

"My brother, he had the power to predict what eventual outcome would result from a single action," Lucifer said. "I tried to fight him, but he'd already forseen everything, until..."

He swallowed. "Until in the heat of our battle I stabbed him with the blade." He shut his eyes. "My little brother."

[betterthanaplan]

Fuck.

Duke rolled over again, this time reaching out to tug Lucifer against him. Let himself be Lucifer’s pillow, instead of the other way around.

“I’m sorry.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let him, though he didn't move much. Just let himself lay there, head on Duke's shoulder.

"When Dad came back, it was to break up a tussle between Amenadiel and I and Michael. Said He 'didn't want His children to fight'. Wanted us to hug it out with Michael," he said. "And failing Uriel is supposed to be 'miscommunication'?"

[betterthanaplan]

Duke stayed silent again for a long time, his fingers gently stroking Lucifer’s hair.

(Octavia did this too, sometimes, let him hold her but without really giving in. Duke was used to working around it.)

“You said Uriel thought he knew God’s plan.”

So . . . yes. That could be a miscommunication. One God was now trying to avoid repeating by getting personally involved.

[my_own_advocate]

"He wanted to protect Dad from Mum," Lucifer said quietly.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke nodded and stroked Lucifer’s hair.

“And you had to protect her. And Chloe.”

And God had been too busy, what, fucking around to deal with any of it.

[my_own_advocate]

"I'd never killed anyone before."

He didn't deserve Duke's fingers in his hair. He melted into it anyway.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke knew that feeling. He was pretty sure saying so wouldn’t help.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

[my_own_advocate]

"It's my Hell loop," Lucifer said, staring up at the ceiling. "Stabbing Uriel over and over again."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke did his best to wrap himself fully around Lucifer like a blanket.

“And you blame your dad.”

[my_own_advocate]

"It wouldn't be my Hell loop if I didn't blame myself," Lucifer said, leaning into him. He didn't have the strength not to. "But I do blame Dad for caring so little for Uri. For either of us, really. My brother didn't need to be dead."

[betterthanaplan]

Another long silence from Duke. This might be a record!

“Luce. What . . . what do you think love is?”

It was an honest question, not at all rhetorical. One Duke wondered if he should ask himself too.

[my_own_advocate]

Something other people had?

Lucifer was silent for a little while.

And then a while longer.

"... I don't know," he said. "I assume I will if I'd ever run into it."

[betterthanaplan]

“You might not,” Duke said gently. “I didn’t.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed.

"What would you say it is, then?"

[betterthanaplan]

Dammit, Lucifer, turning the question back on him.

“It’s. It’s not perfect,” he said. “Or easy. And it’s not a — a constant thing. It’s more. . . . It’s. . . . Fuck.”

He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“It’s — feeling like you want to die if they go away. But letting them anyway, because it’s what they need to do. It’s giving someone what they need, even when it’s not what you want.”

Of course Duke would equate love with sacrifice.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's brow crinkled. "Well, that sounds unpleasant," he commented.

[betterthanaplan]

“It hurts sometimes,” Duke agreed. “But — when they love you back? It’s amazing. You feel like you can take on anything.”

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer's thoughts darted to a moment long-past, Chloe's forehead against his. This is real, isn't it?

"Hm," he said.

[betterthanaplan]

“It’s easy to get wrong,” Duke said. “Even when you’re trying your hardest not to. It’s hard to know when to help and when to let go.”

And, he didn’t say, maybe your dad got it wrong.

[my_own_advocate]

"Hm," Lucifer said again.

He slung an arm around Duke and curled further into him. Thinking.

[betterthanaplan]

“I get it wrong all the time,” Duke said quietly. “I’ve hurt you and Octavia so many times. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”