Lucifer's Penthouse, Thursday

[my_own_advocate]

It had been days since Dad had announced His retirement and left. Lucifer supposed he should feel relieved by now, or elated. Dad was... vacating their lives for good. And there was no doubt who His successor would be: Amenadiel, who had trained for this for his entire long celestial life.

He could admit in the privacy of his own head that Amenadiel would make a far better God than their Father had ever been.

Not for the first time in the past... month? Had it been a month? Lucifer thought about how they should be headed home. To the Rouge, and its nostalgic sailor aesthetic that, again in the privacy of his own thoughts, Lucifer could admit he sort of missed.

Perhaps it was the matter of Daniel and his well-deserved revenge that kept his thoughts so messy and his feet firmly placed within the boundaries of Los Angeles county. That had to be it. No?

Lucifer poured himself another glass of scotch and leaned against the bar, contemplating the bottles. He did still like this apartment, he mused, so there was that.

[[ expecting one, but open for phone calls ]]

Comments

[betterthanaplan]

"Well . . . sure. What if someone else wanted to take the gig? Could you imagine?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Yes, that's just what we'd need to cap off this entire... disastrous month," Lucifer muttered, "A war for the heavenly throne."

[betterthanaplan]

A month. Had they really been here that long? (Had they only been here that long?)

"Think we're going to need another vacation after all this?"

[my_own_advocate]

"I think... we," Lucifer said, using that word gingerly, and at the same time, finding himself surprised it came so easily at all, "May need to just spend an entire year naked on an island somewhere."

[betterthanaplan]

"Might get a little boring after awhile. But I like that instinct."

He really liked how Lucifer hadn't outright denied that there'd be a "we".

[my_own_advocate]

"Well, obviously when we get bored, we get on our boat and go to another island," Lucifer said, sipping more scotch.

[betterthanaplan]

"Right." Duke smiled broadly, shifting to rest his arm around Lucifer's waist. "Silly me."

Should he mention that he was looking for a boat in LA? Or would Lucifer try to insist on buying it for him?

(Was it really important that he buy it himself? Damn Linda, making him question things.)

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let him. Might have almost, maybe, kind of, leaned into that a little.

"It is going to be a rather new universe without Him in charge," he said. "A better one, if I know Amenadiel."

[betterthanaplan]

Duke hummed non-noncommittally. "I hope so." He considered what to say next carefully. He knew he needed to clear the air a bit about Lucifer's whole 'I can't love you back', but they felt so easy right now. Lucifer felt present with him, but it was fragile. Like he might spook at any moment.

"I'm glad you're talking about staying with us," he said finally, voice soft. "You scared us, you know."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer sighed. "Well, you've made it rather clear what your position is," he said. "And I am, selfishly, not particularly eager to do anything more drastic to change our situation, so..."

He made a helpless gesture with his glass.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke snorted softly.

"What exactly about letting me get my way is 'selfish'?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Because I'm not worth it," Lucifer said.

The whole 'can't love you' thing had sort of started to morph and crystallize into that ancient, long-held belief.

[betterthanaplan]

"Bullshit," Duke said gently. "Take it from someone who's been on that whole roller coaster before. When someone tells you you're worth it, believe them."

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer let out a soft huff. It sounded a little wry, or perhaps desperate, around the edges.

[betterthanaplan]

"Can I tell you something?" Duke asked. "Without you freaking out?"

[my_own_advocate]

"Well, that's not a forboding opening at all," Lucifer muttered. He looked at Duke. "By all means."

[betterthanaplan]

"Or telling me I don't know what I'm talking about," Duke said, realizing that that might be a bigger issue at this precise moment. Then he took a breath, hanging on a little tighter to Lucifer's waist, and dove in.

"I've been with people who didn't love me. Who couldn't, maybe. I know what that looks like." He caught Lucifer's eye and held it as long as he could. "You are not one of them."

[my_own_advocate]

Making him promise not to freak out up front was rude, Duke. Because that limited Lucifer to that sigh, and an attempt at an evasive glance at literally anything else that failed because whoever had given you those eyes was evil, Crocker.

[betterthanaplan]

Nah. Not these eyes. The silver ones, sure. But not these.

"You don't have to believe me yet," Duke said. "Octavia gave me that room, so I'm going to give it to you. But you -- we -- are loveable and loving. No matter who our parents are. Or what they did to us." He offered Lucifer a small smile. "And frankly, you trying to say otherwise is starting to piss me off."

Well past starting. But he was trying to be gentle here.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer snorted softly. He closed his eyes - the only defense he had here. That, and the question he'd asked Octavia, the one without an answer.

"Then why do I keep feeling this way?" Unworthy. Incapable.

[betterthanaplan]

"Because your parents fucked up," Duke said simply. He tipped his head up to kiss Lucifer again, softly on the forehead. Like a benediction. "They never showed you what love is, so you don't know how to recognize it. All you've got is movies and TV and they're liars." He rested his forehead on Lucifer's, watching him from up close. "Trust me, Luce. I'm still learning, but I've been where you are right now. It's terrifying. But I think, maybe . . . that's what makes it better, in the end."

[my_own_advocate]

He should have something to say to that, shouldn't he? Something more profound than the kneejerk 'no, you're wrong' that wanted to come out. The one he'd been swallowing over and over again, with Duke, with Octavia, with Linda, with Chloe.

But Lucifer had nothing. Nothing besides a gut full of squirming, incoherent, self-defeating emotion.

They were all useless. Likely to blow something up. To make Duke stalk off the way Octavia had. Bar maybe one, that fluttered up like a butterfly in some poor doomed woman's box.

He tilted his head just so and caught Duke's lips with his own.

[betterthanaplan]

Duke hadn't known what to expect, jumping into all that. But it wasn't this.

(He hadn't dared to expect this. Or even hope for it.)

There was maybe a moment's pause, of just receiving, before he dove into kissing Lucifer back. Putting everything he still didn't know how to say into gripping Lucifer's hips, into gently sucking on Lucifer's lower lip.

Lucifer could love, Duke was certain of that. And Lucifer was loved, quite thoroughly, in return.

[my_own_advocate]

Lucifer didn't know what else to do. Octavia walking out on him had hurt, as much as it had felt deserved. He didn't want it to happen again, not now. That was unfair, too, because Duke was expressing all this faith in him he still (knew) wasn't sure he deserved.

It had just been such a long month and he was tired.

His fingers wound into Duke's hair, pulling the man closer into him.

[betterthanaplan]

And Duke, hopeless romantic that he was deep down inside, felt like this was a victory. Even if he knew that Lucifer wasn't totally convinced just yet.

So he let out a soft moan as Lucifer's fingers brushed his scalp, encouraging him -- then pulling back. Just a little. Just enough to get a breath and tease: "Your dad's for sure not about to just show up again, right?"